fear

fear is such a strange emotion.

i don't know anyone who doesn't fight it in one way or another. i think it could be said that fear is the most common human emotion. you may disagree because it manifests itself in so many ways, but i lump fear with anxiety, worry, even anger and despair. most of the troubles that ail us come from the root of fear.

when we are afraid, we control. when we are afraid we retreat into ourselves and believe the worst of ourselves and others in the secret places of our minds.

it is a voice. a voice that usually whispers to begin with, then it grows into a conversational level and if not corrected previously, it begins to yell and back us into the smallest version of ourselves.

i usually don't even perceive it at first - it starts so small. "how could you have done this" or "forgotten that?". "you never...", "you always...", "if you could only...", "if you would get your act together...".

and that is only the internal fears of our personalities - what about the fear of circumstance? "this will never happen" and that is usually followed by a conclusion rooted in the 50 ways we have blown it or missed the mark. "what will happen next?" is the question that plagues us all. without roots or ceilings we are left to wonder and give into paranoia.

my dad (my ever-so-wise dad) has said (and don't tell me if he is quoting someone else, i like to think he made it up) "95% of what we worry about never happens and the other 5% doesn't happen the way you think it will." and you know what? that is the truth.

the circumstances that had me all tied up in knots once upon a time have passed now, and everything worked out for the good. not that life is a cake-walk, of course some things do come to pass - but when they do there is grace for that moment. unlike the hypothetical moments that make everything seem impossible.

there is no grace for worry.

when i say grace, i mean the God given ability to face life and do what He says. like grease on gears, He makes the whole ride smoother by enabling us to live His way.

you would think we would figure this out. if i look back, how could i deny that everything works for my good since I love Him and I am called according to His purpose? but i do deny it every time i cave into stress and anxiety.

and it starts so small - "will we have enough? things are tight, how will we make it work?". and i end up having these tumbleweeds rolling around in my brain that, left unchecked, will shut me down in a matter of time. and just one question keri harvey - has He ever failed you before?

no. no sir, not even once.

of course at the time of greatest crisis i would have thought so. but that was just because i wasn't yielding to His timing or His grace. trust and relationship are not a walk in the park, but if i look back, i cannot deny that He has always, always come through for me.

i say all of this because i noticed my thoughts recently. my stress levels were on the rise and it could be  due to the fact that we have 4 small children - but i need to remember that He gave us 4 small children and He will give us the grace and the provision we need for all of them. Time, money, attention, and sanity. He will not fail us. He is love and love never fails.

so, be still my soul be still. today may be hectic. today may feel a little more stressful than days past, but there is a price to pay for the promises you receive, there is the gift and there is stewarding the gift. now is the time to steward the gifts that have been graciously given.

and so i will. Lord, please guard my thoughts and my heart. help me to keep my fears solidly at your feet. you have given - now i will receive your provision and i will not question you when you told me not to worry about anything. amen.

 ok, enough of that. i have two hungry boys to feed!