When you watch something more than once, you tend to see new things. Maybe it is just me getting older, I find myself getting more reflective these days.
This time, I was noticing Scrooge's response to each of the ghosts: Past, Present and Future. Even though the first ghost, the ghost of Christmas past, was the most innocent looking (the face of a child) and the most non- threatening - he was angry, put out and terrified by every scene she showed him. But she disarmed him, made him remember other days before he became the cold hearted man that we meet in the opening scenes.
When Present comes (great line -"No, i am a large -absent minded spirit"), he is jovial, and sweet. His whole body shakes when he laughs and there is a twinkle in his eye. You can see Scrooge softening to his kindness, he even smiles now and then. This spirit shows him hard things, the hardest being what people think about him.
I think one of the hardest things we could experience would be to walk into a living room where people are talking about us. I am a leader, part of being a leader means that people are not going to like me. I have to settle that. If we stand for anything people are not going to like us. Sometimes, by no intention of our own, people will feel judged even disappointed in us and we may never know it. I don't know how I would handle walking in to a conversation, as Scrooge had to, to hear a whole group of people mocking him and calling him and "unwanted creature". I would like to think that Scrooge would deserve that more than I do, but still, I am sure there have been some conversations that I would not like to hear spoken about me as well.
This would be a hard lesson - but Scrooge is beginning to see the point. So much that he wants to see his employee Bob Cratchit's house. This is where he sees how his hardest working employee is living - and he sees his son, Tiny Tim suffering under some kind of life-threatening illness. This is where the lights begin to turn on. Scrooge has wasted his life, he has let opportunities pass him by, he has been unkind, cruel and stingy. He sees the state of his cold heart and it is hard.
By the time Present leaves, he is met by Future. This one is creepy. He is dark, no face, long scary fingers....it is fast forward material for the toddlers in our house. But Scrooge says important words to this spirit - something along the lines of "teach me, I am willing to learn from you". This spirit takes him to the scary conversations that happen after his death - awful words of un-grieving souls fighting over his belongings. Then we end at the grave side of Ebenezer himself and here he utters these words:
"I am not the man I was. I will not be the man I must have been but for this intercourse. Why show me this, if I am past all hope! ... I will honour Christmas in my heart, and try to keep it all the year. I will live in the Past, the Present, and the Future. The Spirits of all Three shall strive within me. I will not shut out the lessons that they teach. Oh, tell me I may sponge away the writing on this stone!”
Here of course is the crux of the story...we can start again if we are willing to learn, to listen, to humble ourselves.
If you have known me for more than 20 minutes you would know that the event that has marked my life was the passing of my mom. She has been gone for 8 years now. 8 years of memories. 8 years of conversations that never happened. She has never met my children, she has never kissed their little faces, or rubbed their fuzzy heads. But she is my Ghost of Christmas. She reminds me to make traditions, to stop being so hard on myself, to sit down and play with my kids, and to laugh from my toes.
I have a goal in mind - and I am pressing toward that goal every day that I live (well, most days. some days I just survive). My goal is to love God and to love people. So simple I know. It almost sounds trite, God forgive me. Oh, but I mean it. The last things I want said about me would be that I was a good speaker, a good cook, even a nice person. I want people to know that they matter when they are around me. That their cares are important to me, that THEY are important to me.
It is so challenging.
I get busy, I get irritated, I get tired.
But if i am going to reach my goal, I must remember the end.
In the end, my husband and my kids will know what my priorities were. They will be the judges of my success or failure.
The people I led will also be the judge. They may disagree with me, they may wish I didn't tell them things some times because they are uncomfortable, but in the end, I pray that they know that I loved them to the best of my ability. I may have stumbled through my expression of it, but hopefully in their hearts they will know that I truly cared how their lives turned out.
And, like Scrooge, I want to be a learner. I know I need to keep growing, changing and updating my views of myself and others. Truth never changes, but methods to deliver truth does change. I want to stay current on the most effective ways to unlock truth for peoples hearts.
Finally, I want to say that I am grateful for Christmas. Like our reformed Scrooge, I want to honor the message of Christmas - generosity, kindness, community... all of it. I am glad for a chance to reflect and remember those who have worked so hard, and continue to work hard to make Christmas our best time of year. My family, my husband's family, my church family, and my friends past, present and future are all so significant.
These are the lessons my ghosts of Christmas are teaching me.
And sorry, but I can't help myself...
"God bless us, every one!"
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