anniversary circa 5 years ago

Shawn and I celebrated 8 years of marriage last tuesday. That still seems amazing to me in some ways, mostly because I can hardly remember what it was like before we were married. My sister said the exact same thing to me after she had been married for a few years. I was lamenting, whining, crying, moaning, all sorts of other non-flattering activities about not being married yet when she told me that. i didn't believe her at the time. i understand now.

So, Shawn and I were just talking about blogging etc..and he remembered a little devotional that i put together for a friends shower - it was one of my favourite messages. mostly because even re-reading it, i laugh out loud at my crazy relationship with my husband. he suggested that i share it with you, and i, being the submissive wife that i am decided to obey him post haste.

so...here you go...i know it is two blogs in two days, but i had a three week drought there so i need to catch up.

As you must know, God pairs us with just the right person for our personality. So in our case, Shawn is the left brain, and I am the right. Between the two of us, we have one full brain. This is encouraging.

On the outside, you would think that I am the dramatic person of the two of us, and this is mostly true, but Shawn has his own sense of drama (These stories are told with permission).

Shawn likes things to be the same, I never do the same thing twice. Shawn is methodic, and a precise person, I…am not. 

We have recently stumbled on a common phenomenon in married life it is called “try this babe”. I only say that it is common because as I have shared my story I discover that there are many other women who play this game with their husbands – it can range from licking a live battery, to scuba diving in shark infested waters, to (and this is my story) being told that vinegar is the cure for a cut, and he even got the vinegar for me while he laughed his head off in the pantry. Then proceeded to pour vinegar into my wound. This is his delight.

Another fun game we like to play is “cold feet”. This game happens when one of us comes to bed second and tortures the warm one with the popsicles that our toes have become.  I knew this game was out of control the night we were watching a movie and Shawn got up for a snack. I decided that a snack would be nice, so I went to the kitchen to find my husband WITH ONE FOOT IN THE FREEZER. His plan was to come back and place that ice cube of a foot on me under my nice, warm blanket.

So needless to say marriage is a work in progress. There are all sorts of things we should do, and can do better. But they take time to build in, and even then we have our off days or weeks or maybe let’s just say seasons.

Shawn and I recently went on a road trip. A very fun road trip. The goal was adventure and to see new things. We got both. One leg of our trip was to spend a few days in Yosemite National Park in California. I say Park loosely, because that is what they call it. I would call it something else, because I call Disneyland a park and a big one at that. In parks things are automated or accessible. Even the smaller parks involve gentle recreation like swinging, or riding the merri-go-round.

Yosemite was not like this. Everything here worth seeing was at the top of the mountain, and if you wanted to see the good stuff you needed to climb to it.

So I would call it, Yosemite - Aerobic Workout that you better have the right gear for or else, adventure in the wilderness/ kind of jungle safari park. Or you could call it “build your marriage mountain”, since communication between loving spouses changes once you are three hours into a promised one and a half-hour hike up a mountain that starts at 8,000 feet (that hike ended up taking 7 hours by the way). 

So here are a few things I learned about marriage on Build Your Marriage Mountain:

1. It always looks easy from a distance:



1. The mountain is so beautiful when I am sitting in my car and I am not huffing and puffing my way up it. All I am thinking from the car is “I bet the view from the top is so beautiful”
2. Marriage Lesson: Lots of people have opinions about what marriage should look like when they look from a distance. But once you get into it, it is quite a bit different. The trail may be steeper than it looks and there are lots of hidden turns that you don’t see when you are looking at the beautiful view.

 

2. Sometimes you need to compromise.
1. I am not what you would call a “hiker”. I walk, but that is very different than hiking. This trip was Shawn’s brain child and to say that he was excited would be a gross understatement. We were wilderness bound, with inspiration waiting to be discovered. This is not my idea of holiday, I would choose shopping, or sitting by a beach…something, well, lazy. So we decided that for everyday that I spent on the side of a mountain, he would spend a different day in the mall.
2. Marriage Lesson: I learned what it felt like to see my husband so happy at the top of a mountain, and enjoyed the times (as I was huffing and puffing up the hill) when he would yell back to me “You are filling my love tank babe” or “You are the best wife on the mountain babe”, of course I am thinking “I am the only wife on the mountain, all of the other ones are shopping”. But that is not the point. Now that I have had a shower and I am out of my stinky clothes and attitude, I am so glad that I went and that we had that time together, even if it was uncomfortable.

3. No two paths are the same.
1. About three-quarters up the hill, we saw another couple walking down the hill toward us. They were talking and laughing. As they got closer I asked “Is it pretty close to the top?” The woman, a fit, my guess marathon runner (since she was wearing a shirt that looked like she had to run one to get one), said “oh no, just about two more switchbacks and you are there. When you get to the top, there is a beautiful meadow and it is just beautiful”. So I think “ok, two more switchbacks. I can do this”. Of course this wasn’t true. It was actually another hour to the top and there was no meadow.
2. Marriage Lesson: No two courses are the same. Some people look like they are just whizzing through this and they never struggle. Some people have to stop often and re-group. Marriage is a self-paced trail. The important thing is to get to the top. To love each other along the way, and to focus on your path. We can get distracted when other people pass us, and I think as wives we feel like we are letting our spouse, our families, and other people down. Or, we compare our marriage to other relationships and we think that if only our husbands did this or if our house was like that…then….. All I have to say is, what looked like a meadow to my marathon lady, looked like a mountain to me. But there are probably other things in my life that seem easy to me, that are not easy for others. It is best to be content with what we have, and to love the adventure God has us on.
4. No matter how you get there, once you get to the top, the view is breathtaking.

1. So sure enough, the trail did eventually end and landed us right at the top of a three mile waterfall. We walked out of a forest and into a paradise. There was cool, clean water to drink, rocks to sit on, and a chance to enjoy the fruit of our effort. I am not exaggerating when I say I put my whole head into that cold water and stayed there until my breath gave out. 
2. Marriage Lesson: You will fight. You will probably fight often in some seasons. Your marriage is worth fighting for. It will feel thick, and hard and you won’t want to take another step. Sometimes you may forget why you started this in the first place. BUT, one smile, one “I’m sorry”, one kindness in the middle of frustration, and you will break into a brand new level of closeness and intimacy like you can’t even imagine now. The view from the top is worth it…. Everytime.

5. Miscellaneous thoughts about marriage. 
1. Shared adventures are the best adventures. When you have to choose something new, make sure that something takes you closer to your life together instead of closer to a path of individuality.
2. Bank loving words and gestures so when tension comes, you have an account to draw from.
3. Learn to laugh at yourself, try not to laugh at him, unless he is laughing at himself of course. 
4. Finally, hypothetically, if your husband tells you to release the C02 cartridge in the whipping cream dispenser before unscrewing the lid, listen to him. If you don’t and the whipping cream explodes all over the kitchen, smile for the camera as your husband laughs his head off at you.  

So there is some sage advice from an old married lady (says the Keri who had been married for 3 whole years) 

It is good for me to hear this again today at our 8 year mark.

Here's to marriage everyone - By the grace of God, it just gets better all the time!