at least i have feet

here is a little phrase i came up with a few years ago "at least i have feet". a strange thing to say for sure. but it was my way of saying, "even if it is bad, it could always be worse".

i am kind of employing my little phrase more often right now. my insides are still all crazy - still having pain in my ribs/pancreas/liver/gallbladder who knows? bottom line, it just hurts....all the time. i can't play with my girls the way i want to, do normal cleaning and laundry around my house, or pretty much move from my rocking chair for more than ten minutes at a time.  arghhhh! it is so frustrating!

the good news is, i know it is temporary. i may have a minor surgery that could help sometime next week, but worst case scenario - once the babies come, most of this pain should go, and then when i get my gallbladder out, the rest of the pain should end.

it just makes me think about people who are in constant pain, whether physical or emotional. my respect is off the charts. i mean it.

some days it is all i can do to smile and be nice. so what if this was going to be a long term issue? to stay positive, not self absorbed, able to keep up with the daily responsibilities and to not give in to complete lay-on-the-couch-itis, is such an accomplishment.

and it makes me remember again to pay attention when people are hurting. i hate that i get so busy and the first thing to go is compassion. of course i try to keep that as a core principle in my life - but i see how many times i have failed at it. there are simply times when we can't just "suck it up". we need to let people in, and let them help us. if they are willing.

so, of course, i think - am i willing?

i know that i walk by people at church or other places, that i know are hurting inside or out, and i say quick or trite phrases and run along my busy way. or, even worse, i don't say anything because i don't notice or to be quite honest i feel i don't have time to care. God, forgive me.

since i got out of the hospital i can tell that people are afraid to ask me how i am doing - maybe it will take too much time to explain, maybe they will feel responsible to do something about it if they hear what is happening. who knows? but it can sure make me feel like a high maintenance inconvenience for sure. to be fair i worry about being an inconvenience so my feelings could definitely magnify things that are not real.

nonetheless, i will learn again that it is crucial to care when people are hurting. to look them in the eye, to mean it when i say "how are you doing?" and then truly listen for the answer - maybe even offer to be part of the solution.

so, i have feet, and i can use them. the pain is constant, but temporary. and i am learning and re-learning lessons that i would be so wise to build my life on. let's just hope i remember them when my ribs are not throbbing and reminding me of this valuable life lessons.