courage dear-heart

it is one of my favorite quotes from a book..."the voyage of the dawn treader" by C.S. Lewis. there is a section when all of the characters are on the boat the dawn treader - one of the islands they visit is the place where all your dreams come true. at first, this sounds like paradise, but you quickly realize that your dreams are very strange places where everything unusual and frightening can happen - they realize that all of their dreams quickly become nightmares. and everyone is living in their own kind of torment. they hear everyone around screaming, but can't hear what is plaguing each of the others. they have lost their sense of direction, and it is completely dark. everyone begins to feel as though they will never escape this haunting.

in this moment, Lucy, cries out "Aslan, Aslan, help us" (or something like that). and at that moment a huge bird flies over her head and whispers "courage, dear- heart". then the bird proceeds to light their way out of the darkness.

courage dear- heart.

that is what i told someone today. i had to break some bad news to her, news that i knew would rock her world and send her into her own cloud of confusion. sometimes being a leader means that we see the storm coming before the person does. and we offer words of encouragement, experience and hope. but words can't describe the process that they will have to go through. and my process is different than theirs, so at best, my words can be road signs and signals that will hopefully prevent them from going off the trail all together. but it is theirs to walk, and be faithful, and keep their heart pure before the Lord. no one can make that choice for them.

all i can say is courage- let this fashion you, let this make you the woman you are supposed to be. let your heartache see you trust God through the storm. force your flesh to sit and listen while you worship through your tears. let every demon in hell see what you are made of when things don't go your way, and let heaven mark you down as one of those who will not bow to self-pity and anger. courage dear-heart. there will be better days, but you will be better for these days.

and one day, you will have to tell someone bad news and with all of the compassion in your heart you will say "courage"- and you will know just how much they need it.

the little moments

it is easy to forget, that it will not always be like this. that emma will not wake me with little coos, that she will not giggle just so and squeeze her hands together like she is in love for the first time - she will not always be small enough to pull out of her car seat sound asleep, and let me carry her sweet smelling self into the house to put her to bed.

i get tired and busy and forget sometimes that it will not always be like this.

these moments are the ones i will remember when she goes to school for the first time, or the first time she has a crush on a boy, or when she graduates, and (jesus help us) when she gets married. i know i will ache for that little moment when i got to snuggle my little girl and put her to bed.

so i look at her now, with her hair in yesterday's ponytail, making a mess of the living room for the first of 5 or so times today, and i love her so much it hurts.

these moments go by so fast, and there is no slowing them down. only living in them while they are here. so, sitting here in my pajamas, earlier than i want to be awake, i celebrate this little moment and the joy she brings me. parenting is the ride of our lives, and we have just begun.

time to go play on the floor with our little wonder.