Keri Harvey's guide to surviving these crazy days

I don't usually give out advice on being a mom. I don't ever really feel like a sage parent with wisdom flowing through my veins...yeah. I never feel like that. It makes me a bit uncomfortable to even wade into it, because we moms are not fierce about anything the way we are fierce about our children. Naturally, we all have strong opinions about how to raise our kids. I like to have any conversations like that in person.

What I do want to talk about is how to take care of of our mom hearts. This, I feel a little more qualified to do. I have been in the heart - tending business for my entire adult life.

With this in mind I want to spend a few minutes talking about the things that help me as I live this wonderful but exasperating journey with 4 children under the age of 4. They are, in fact all within 2.5 years of each other.

This is crazy making material. I can honestly say, I have been looking in the mirror lately and wondering..."what happened to you?" More about that later.

Here is a convicting challenge:

Proverbs 4:23 

Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life. 

Yikes. Above all else?

Even more than making sure my husbands needs are met, my children are safe and my house is clean?

This is a challenge I do not succeed at on a regular basis, especially lately.

I want to share some of the simple things that I do that help my heart stay clear, and keep my mind focused on what matters most. Before I do that, I want to explain why this is on my mind today.

I will warn you that I am going to be very honest, not to gain sympathy or even words of encouragement, but to the end that it might help someone else know that they are not alone, and that we can all do this together.

Last night, when Shawn and I were going to bed, I confessed to him some very hurtful things that were going through my mind lately. These thoughts, so cruel, so demeaning, that they were threatening my selfhood, my dignity, even my future success.

I told him that I feel ugly. I told him that I wonder sometimes if the kids will be embarrassed of me when they get older because I am an "old mom". I have been wondering if I am hindering future opportunities that could come my way because I am having a hard time getting  handle on diet and exercise as part of my daily regimen. I hate to even confess this, but I have wondered if Shawn is embarrassed of me because of these two things.

It all started when I posted a picture on Facebook. I love the message of this picture: my four beautiful children surrounding me in the morning. I said "I wish I could show my infertile, 5 years ago self, this picture" that this would be a reminder not to worry about anything.

Such a great sentiment...the problem? I have a huge double chin, and a muffin top. Every time I looked at the picture, that was all I could see.

I told Shawn this, embarrassed, since I really do know better than to dwell on this garbage and I know how to take thoughts captive. I knew better, but I think I was too tired to fight, so I just let those thoughts run rampant in my sleep deprived mind. I watched as he winced and sighed with the compassion of one who sees me so differently. By his presence, he reminded me that I can't earn these titles: Mom, wife, speaker, leader. These titles are given by situation and maintained by my love for God and those that fall within the realm of this influence.

All of this is to say, I haven't been guarding my heart. Robbers have come and ransacked my confidence, stolen my joy, and brought back my old enemy insecurity.

And I let it happen.

In the busy-ness of running after the kids and keeping my home, I have not been guarding my heart.

There is clutter, and garbage all over the place. The truth is, those liars need to go.

How?

First I needed to ask for help through confession. It was so good to tell Shawn what was going on inside my brain. It was hard to say it out loud, embarrassing even. I told him so he can pray, and hold up a mirror of truth to me. Yes, we could work to put more emphasis on nutrition and exercise, but this does not make me a failure as a wife and a mom. In short, he was able to clear the cobwebs out of my brain and kindly remind me what is most important. Had I not confessed, I may not have been able to get my brain free from its cluttered self.

It was important to empty out the bad stuff, but just as important I need to work on keeping my heard protected, so let's talk about that.

Like I said at the beginning, I am not really big on calling this advice, so let's call these lifelines.

These are my lifelines that help me get through my days,  the guards that I have put into place that will keep the clutter out of my heart. Yours may be different, but if you haven't already, I would encourage you to think about how you can guard your own heart.

Filling vs. Draining my tank - This thought came to us from a book called "Leading on Empty" by Wayne Cordeiro. The concept is pretty simple: figure out what fills your tank (energy and driving force that keeps you going forward with joy and enthusiasm) and what drains your tank.

I have to say this has been a bit of a challenge for me to figure out, especially in this season. Many of the things that fill my tank involve alone time (did I mention that I have four small children?), or spending money on things like shopping, coffee, pampering (did I mention that I have four small children?). It is simply not possible for me to go and get a pedicure when I know my children need new shoes.  That is just not going to happen.

So, I needed to find new things that fill my tank. Here are a couple of them in no particular order:

Instant Coffee - ie: Keurig. Kind of kidding here, but we got one of these for Christmas and I sure love it! Before, I could spend an hour trying to get other things done just so I could make a pot of coffee in a clean sink. Now, I can have coffee first, no matter what the kitchen looks like. Life is just better with a cup of coffee in hand.

Podcasts - I find that I really don't get a lot of good, quiet prayer time in. I admire those of you who do, I just haven't found a rhythm with that. If I podcast messages from people like Brian Houston from Hillsong, or Focus on the Family parenting segments, I get my mind on higher things. I get to think about bigger concepts than diapers and dinner. I do this while I am getting ready in the morning. It takes me about 20 minutes, and I listen while I am fixing my hair etc... I really can't explain how much this has meant to me over the last year.

A clean house - Ok, don't roll your eyes at me. I don't have any critical thoughts if someone is a little looser on cleaning, or doesn't really even care about it. I don't clean to impress others, I clean because I really like it when I can have a clean house. I am not a great organizer, I just like a clean floor, fresh sheets and a shiny bathtub. The whole house isn't clean very often, so when it is, for the two nano-seconds before the children tear through it, I just love it. Knowing this, Shawn has started taking the kids for a couple of hours on our day off so I can clean the whole house, by myself, in silence. Seriously...total bliss for me. If I can sit for a few minutes in a quiet, clean house and read before they get home it is a total jackpot day for me.

Drives to no where in particular - Sometimes, on crazy days, when dinner is over and all that is left is bath time and winding down to bedtime, I will go out and wander around Target for 30 minutes or drive up to the mountains. Just quiet, empty brain time helps so much. Then I come home and help get the kids to be with my good mom brain on instead of crazy mom brain.

Time with my husband - Life is just better when we remember that we were a team before we became the brute squad.

The Mom community -  I was dropping Emma off at pre-school the other morning, and as I was walking back to the car, I made eye contact with two of my other mom friends. We all sighed at each other and told how our mornings were. Emma and I had a battle over combing her hair (I admit in my weaker moments I threaten to shave her head). I barely touch her head and she starts screaming, running away from me, asking for Alina to come and hold her back (this one is strange to me - but an indicator that Emma believes that her happiness is dependent on everyone else rallying around to support her). I was discouraged, mad at myself for my own impatience, and frustrated with the demands of my 4 year old. Would you believe that the other two moms had the EXACT same issue that morning. Misery loves company I guess, because I felt so encouraged that I wasn't alone in this crazy little issue.

I could seriously go on and on about the times when I really needed a word of encouragement, or some kind of hope that it is going to be all right, and another mom shows up in a simple way at just the right time. They probably don't even know they are doing it most of the time. But I sure appreciate watching how other moms handle things, how they love their kids, and how they navigate tough situations.

I told one of my mom friends that Tuesdays are hard days for me and do you know what she did? She showed up the next Tuesday with "Treats for tough Tuesdays". Her kids actually made cookies for us, and she brought soup and buns. I could have wept. Such kindness on a hard day.

Laughing - I mean like, deep belly, snorting, wetting my pants kind of laughing. I need to find ways to laugh a little every day.

As for the things that drain:

Turn all of those things on their head, add a few crazy days when the kids are out of control, and then throw a picture of me on Facebook that makes me feel old and huge and well... you get the idea.

Today, my tank is full. It was a snow day, I got time with the family and my husband this weekend, Shawn ran errands with the girls while the boys were napping, so my house is kind of clean (I can actually see the kitchen sink, and my feet aren't sticking to the floors), I listened to some great teachings, and I slept pretty well last night.

Most of all I admitted my struggles to my husband and I prayed. My brain is clear for the first time in awhile.

My chin is still doubled, my tummy is still muffin topped, my oldest still freaked out when I brushed her hair, but I was a little more ready for it because I reinforced the guards around my heart.

Guarding my heart determined the course of my day, and each guarded day determines the course of my life.

Ok, back to reality, my family needs some dinner.

Grace to all who read this and are running hectic, busy families. May your tank be full, may your coffee flow in abundance, and may none of your children wake up in any state of sickness that includes vomit. Amen.