babies are such a nice way to start people

need i say more?

perfect timing

There were so many days that i wondered if this day would ever happen. Would I ever know what it felt like to have a little life inside of me? Would we ever hear the sound of pyjama -d feet coming down our hallway?

5 years ago tomorrow - 2 days before Mothers Day - 2 years into our infertility issues - our first adoption fell through. we were devastated. we hoped and prayed for this baby (a beautiful little boy), and for reasons that were beyond what we could see at the time, it just was not meant to be. we left that hospital so aware of our barrenness, so broken and desperate.

and tomorrow, May 11th, 5 years later we are having two little boys. The EXACT date of our heartbreak, God has redeemed and made new.

I used to dread Mother's Day. Well meaning people would make sure I got a rose that they give to moms at our church..."you are a spiritual mom". that is no small thing, i cherish that title. but to have my own baby, to cuddle and raise and watch from infancy on - that is what I wanted. That is what we begged God for.

This year, I will be a new mom of 4. 4 children! Not bad for a lady who thought she may never have one.

And He, in the way that only He can, has pulled out the stops for us. Emma will be 3 in August, Alina turned one in December, and these little men will join us tomorrow. 4 babies in less than 3 years.

I know people think we are crazy (and for the most part I agree), but when you live through 6 years of infertility,  there is not much about having babies that seems too difficult. I am just grateful I get to be a mommy.

So, stay tuned friends, our new additions will be here tomorrow around 10:30 in the morning.

I can't stop smiling.

beauty

I was watching Kennedy Center Awards last night. I love this award. It is given for a lifetime achievement in the arts. The president is there, and it is always packed with really high profile stars and politicians.

The episode I watched last night was honouring Paul Simon, Yo Yo Ma, Meryl Streep and Barbara Cook (a famous Broadway singer). So, in case you haven't watched before I will fill you in. The honourees sit in balcony seats with the president and first lady, while their colleagues walk the audience through a montage of their life's work. Even if i don't love their music, dancing or poetry, I can't help but be swept into their story - small beginnings, hard work, dedication, sacrifice, and excellence.

I am an admirer of Yo Yo Ma (cello player). He dominates the classical music world, and yet he has spent the greater portion of the last twenty years merging with all sorts of other genres from folk, to bluegrass, even going mainstream with Bobby McFerrin.

He was a joy to watch as people that he had played with on different projects went through the songs they had played together. He genuinely loves music, whether he is playing it or not. He was captivated by the entire thing. His face shone with joy and pride - i am sure he had mentored many of those musicians along the way.

Then at the end, James Taylor came out, joined together with all of these varied artists and a whole children's choir and sang "Here comes the sun".

That is when I saw it.

Beauty - the overwhelming power of beauty.

They panned the audience and there was Anne Hathaway crying her eyes out - and she was not alone.

It is not like "Here comes the sun" is a downer song - quite the opposite actually. But it had built so beautifully, and we all saw and heard for that moment what Yo Yo Ma hears and sees when he hears music. He, and those who honoured him, brought us into that moment that made all other moments worthwhile.

And I found myself crying too - swept into this moment with them.

All of the hours upon hours of hard work, practice, mundane scales and rehearsals all poured into this moment when the curtain goes up and the audience is invited to come out of their every day lives and welcomed in to another moment when everything seems to be full of magic and possibility.

I had this moment once. Right at the end of my senior recital to get my degree in Classical Voice -in the last 20 minutes of my performance - something happened - four years of teaching and coaching, practicing when i didn't feel like it, and making thousands of mistakes, all culminated into one moment when I understood what my job was. And i understood the transcendence of that moment. I realized then, that what I saw, I could help others see, and how I sang, moved people from paying bills and cleaning house to a beautiful place of story and imagination.

It was beautiful.

Everything about music changed for me that day. I realized that I am not a gift, nor are my talents or abilities. The gift wasn't given so I could feel great about myself. The gift was given to relieve the load that people carry - to take them to a new place and help them find rest from the mundane.

I see it more clearly now than I used to - and I cherish those moments when they happen. When true beauty, the kind that takes your breath away, enters into the grays of life and changes the way we look at things, even if it is only for a moment.

Of course it is not just music. It is reconciliation between estranged family members or friends, it is a moment of pure laughter even when tragedy is hanging dark in the air, it is a soldier coming home and surprising his family. It is simply anything that makes your heart swell with wonder and removes whatever shadow had been lingering there.

It reminds me that our Father makes everything beautiful in its time. We may trudge and plow and think there is no progress being made, but then a beautiful sunset, a flower out of place in a dry field, a deep giggle from a child, and we are refreshed and ready to take one more step.

beauty is the gift He gave us so we would keep going when everything feels lost.

so i pray that we all have a surprise encounter with beauty today - something that brings tears or laughter - just to remind us that life is made to be cherished and that we are not alone.