The Thin Veil to Eternity

We had a full weekend.

Within 24 hours I went to a wedding a funeral.

The wedding was beautiful of course. Tears of sentiment flowed freely. So much emotion wrapped up in that short walk down an aisle.

I used to watch the bride, then I learned to turn and watch the groom. Now, I watch the parents.

Our lives are marked by these moments.

I can only imagine that 1,000 memories of firsts flash through their minds. First words, first steps, swimming lessons, first day of school, first heartbreak...so many summer holidays, so many moments in the very full chapter of life that happens between birth and young adulthood. One small walk down an aisle and an entire chapter of a parents life closes.

There is a ceremony, speeches from those closest to them and my favourite,  a slideshow that takes us all by the hand and allows the parents to show us all how cute those chubby cheeked, spaghetti covered little ones were when they were sitting in their high chair.

Of course there are many happy memories yet ahead, but it is different now. It all changes.

All of the frustrating childhood moments: "Brush your hair, brush your teeth, make your bed, stop yelling at them! Why did you lie about that??"
All of those moments get swallowed into this bigger moment and none of that stuff actually matters at all.

Parents have provided, shaped, prayed and championed these lives since the minute they were born. It represents the deepest love I could imagine. It is the closest we come to loving like God loves.



Weddings give us a chance to say goodbye to one season and say hello to another one, so full of hope and expectation.

It is a full day of emotion for everyone, but especially for the parents.

What a parent never imagines is that they will host a funeral for their child.  In fact, this is what every parent prays they will never have to endure.

There is a ceremony, speeches from those closest to them and a slideshow that takes us all by the hand and allows the parents to show us all how cute those  chubby cheeked, spaghetti covered little ones were when they were sitting in their high chair.

Two weeks ago, a daughters life was cut short. She was 24. She had lived those 24 years with much laughter, but also heartache and deep struggle with invisible enemies that had tormented her from a young age.

Again, I watch the parents. There is a tragic review of the evidence. What could I have done differently? How could I have spared her from this torment? I would take her place in a heart beat to give her another chance at life.

Together, we celebrated who she was. We grieve, but none of us will know the sorrow that her mother and father will carry.

My heart breaks this mother. All she wanted was for us to know how special and magnificent her daughter was. We listened to her weep softly as each of us took our turns sharing our small glimpse into her little girls life. None of us knew her like her mom, but she leaned in anytime we shared how much her daughters life touched ours.

Our tears flowed freely. We hugged and tried to laugh. Our one consolation was that she was now in the arms of Jesus. She loved Jesus in life, she will love Him in death.

As the hymn says "I'll sing with the glittering crown upon my brow, if ever I loved Thee, my Jesus tis now"

It brings eternity to me again.

It reminds me so deeply of the first time I felt eternity enter my world in a tangible way. My mom, with laboured breathing, took her last breath on earth and walked into forever. It was so close, so beautiful, so vibrant.

I wanted to go too.

It made everything here, even the brightest colours, so grey and pale.

I rarely dream of my mom anymore, but I did last night. I think my heart has been closer to heaven the past few days, that is when it usually happens. I was talking to her in my dream, we were walking through a garden and I said "Do you see Him (Jesus) from time to time?" she smiled and said "We don't do 'time to time' here, there is no time, we are just together, always"

It was a funny question that my logical mind would know better than to ask. I know there is no time in heaven and I would imagine Jesus is fully present in ways we could never imagine.

But I guess my heart was asking questions. "All of this matters right? All of this work, all of these moments that we make so much of, do they actually matter?"  There is a rhythm about life, it can't be avoided. Bills need to be paid, alarm clocks need to be set, schedules need to be kept. But that is not life.

I need to be reminded of eternal things.  We don't really live "time to time" but we live "moment to moment" inside time are the moments that actually matter.

In life and in death, love matters. Investments in others matter. Saying what you feel about someone is essential even if it is uncomfortable or embarassing. Goodbyes should mean something and not be brushed over because they are hard.

Life is full of beginnings and endings, we should be good at both. Weddings, births, funerals, they all remind us of what really matters. We need to notice moments when they come, so we don't get swallowed up in the business of the chronological monotony.

When you can laugh until you hurt, do it. Don't hold back.

When you need to cry for sentiment or grief, open the floodgate and let the ugly tears fly.

Chapters open and chapters close.

Death often teaches me to live.

I think that is what makes the death matter. What their lives taught us becomes our textbook and their memory gives us the courage to do things we may have never done.

As Ecclesiastes tells us "Death is the destiny of every man and the living should take it to heart".

Our broken hearts are swallowed up in the wholeness we all long for when we walk into eternity.

In the meantime, we must live. We must truly live.

My favourite quote:

"Now we should live while the pulse of life is strong, life is a tenuous thing...fragile, fleeting....don't wait for tomorrow. Be here now, be here now, be here now"

The sun is shining, the day is waiting. We should grab this day and the people we love and live it. Live big, live strong.

Now if you will excuse me, I have some meals to prepare, hair to brush and cheeks to kiss. We may just have spaghetti, I need some more pictures of cute, messy faces.

Good Neighbours

Every day I wake up and I notice a few things.

I either slept well (more often than not these days, thank you Jesus) or I didn't.

The sun is shining, or it isn't.

There are children in my bed or there are not.

Sometime during my morning routine I open my iPad and look at my email and check Facebook.

This has led me to the understanding that Facebook is like a friend that I am not totally sure why we are still friends.

There are some benefits. For one, when I am done writing this, I will post it on Facebook and you will read it. I don't really understand Twitter, so I don't post there, Instagram isn't ideal either.

But here is the rub. While I truly love knowing that I have childhood friends that are happy and they have raised beautiful families, I equally deplore the constant barrage of manipulative information trying to get into my head and shape the narrative of my life.

For instance, if you only listened to Facebook, you would think that the beautiful town I live in is under siege, it is a dump and no one wants to live here. This is the story because there was a very tragic incident a couple of weeks ago and a man (known to the police) was stabbed by another man (known to the police) and was killed.

Because of this, you would think that the neighbourhood that I live in is so prime for violence that we should never walk outside again. However, I look out my window and see my sweet neighbours who mow their lawn three times a week. When I say "mow their lawn" what I mean is that they both have a lawn mower and they do it together, one after the other, just to make sure it is perfect (this is mildly intimidating, but not violent).

Of course there is always something going on. We chose to live in town, near our work and school. We see all sorts of stuff, sometimes it is unnerving. But, we chose this. On purpose. If young families and concerned citizens all leave, then what?

My neighbour, the husband half of the lawn mowing, power couple, has lived on this street his entire life. He has never lived on another street, never mind a different town. His family owned a home that is now an apartment complex, their first house was right next door. When their first child was born, they moved to the larger but modest house on the corner.

They know everyone. When anyone new moves in, they introduce themselves immediately. They know every landlord on the street and have their phone numbers in case anything goes wrong in their rentals. They make a difference because they live here and they care.

They are my neighbourhood heroes.

They applauded us when we completely renovated our home, they watched as we brought each of our kids home. They knew that my father in law went in for heart surgery and they checked in regularly to see how his recovery was going.

When they are leaving town for a few days they run across the street and ask us to keep an eye on their place. She gives me little extras from their garden because she heard we planted a garden for the first time this year.

These are neighbours I want to be.

These kinds of neighbours save neighbourhoods.

It is so, so easy to gravitate toward the negative. To the doomsday. To the worst.

Sometimes I just want to stand on my porch and yell to all the bad news: "STOP IT!"

Yes, there are difficult and dangerous people everywhere. But there are really lovely people everywhere too. These people live quiet, observant lives and they change their neighbourhoods by asking questions and staying involved.

We all have a vested interest in giving a rip.

This leads me to a few random thoughts about Facebook. I would like to suggest that we can all be better neighbours on Facebook.

Maybe we could all just understand that just because the negative, fear mongering voices are the loudest, does not mean that they are the majority.

Maybe they are just the ones who have enough time on their hands to argue through their computers.

I actually had a little conversation with myself regarding my interaction with Facebook. I made up a few personal guidelines. I will share them, maybe you want to make your own.

1. I don't complain. Ever.

This is a strange one. I actually feel pressure to make sure people on Facebook know my life is hard some days. There is a big conversation that surges sometimes that slams people who only show pictures of their family when they are smiling and having the time of their life. (This is a bad thing?).

I guess I get it. It helps all of us to know that we are in it together, we all struggle, etc... I am just going on the assumption that reasonable people can fill in the blanks.

I have four children. They are all within 2.5 years of each other. The youngest two of those are twin boys. We feel like we are constantly in survival mode. It is hard. We have to pinch pennies and our finances are tight, always. I cry for dumb reasons because I am tired. I struggle through many things that are distinct to me for this season of my life. I am not shy about them, but I am careful where I share them.

When I go on Facebook, for me, it is like walking out my front door. My super sweet neighbours don't need to know that I have self esteem issues sometimes and I am too hard on myself most of the time.

I keep it positive because it is my way of saying "Good morning! Good to see you. Life is good but crazy and here are some pictures to prove it"

It is just my personal policy. I want to make people laugh, smile, think a good thought. I am not here to get attention or pity.

I don't think anyone minds the occasional "hey, today is hard" posts. They unite us and give us a chance to show love. No problem. This is not complaining, this is being real. I am just saying the constant rants, the continual pleas for attention are not always the most neighbourly way to interact.

2. I don't get my news from Facebook alone.

This is a double edged sword. Most of the time, I find out breaking news on Facebook. I can get a lot of information on Facebook that I can't find other places. At the very least the stories are linked so I can follow a trail and read a story that might help me stay current.

I think that personal interest stories are also important. Facebook has provided many previously voiceless groups to find a platform to seek for understanding. For every issue, someone has a story that goes with it. This has worked to help huge concepts find their way into our conversations because there was a picture or a video that we all saw and it disturbed us (the Syrian boy that was washed up on shore).

I think it has also taken the "news" from the main media outlets, and handed the job of reporting to the masses.

The result has been hysteria and information overload. Everyone has a spin, everyone has an agenda, everyone chimes in with the same weight and ferocity.

Sometimes this can make things that shouldn't actually be news into the big topic for the day or the week.

It kind of drives me crazy.

We need to read trusted newspapers. We need to dig a little deeper and know that the things that are clogging up our newsfeeds may be inflammatory but that doesn't actually make it news.

I would also suggest reading books about history so we can anchor our times in the reality of the past.  These days don't make sense if we don't know anything about how we got here. (Did I rant there? I think maybe)

3. I don't argue on Social Media.

To be clear, this does not mean that I don't have opinions. I certainly have opinions. I am just saying that if I care about people and I want to be a good neighbour, I need to understand that good neighbours don't start fights and yell out their doors every day.

I think it is good to discuss current issues. It is clear that things don't come in tidy packages with easy answers, but I fail to see why being aggressive and name calling is going to help anyone.

Debates are important, information exchange is vital. Staying informed is a priority.

I would also say that humility could only help. I can't live like every single issue is mine to conquer every single day. Maybe we could listen more than we rant.

If you wouldn't say it to someone's face over a civilized cup of coffee, you should not say it though your computer, sitting in the comfort of your home.


So, there is Keri Harvey's policy regarding her interaction on Facebook or other social media. Take it or leave it.

I am appealing to the masses, lets listen to the timeless wisdom of Bambi's mom:

If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all. 

Let's stay in touch. Post your pictures of running that race, and I will promise to cheer for you instead of being mad that you have done a better job of staying physically fit than I have.

Tell us about your achievements, show us pictures when you spilled your coffee all over your car, we can't get enough of it.

Cats aren't my thing, but sure, show me your cute cat doing silly things.

Your family pictures? Your are out on a date with the person you love? Perfect! I love seeing them.

I am glad you are my friend. I am grateful that though I don't get to see you as much as I would like, I get to see your smiling face, doing the things you love to do.

I heard once that shallow brooks make the most noise, deep rivers are nearly silent. This has become a life goal for me. To contribute in a meaningful way, to get better at making my words matter, to be informed and do something. I think we will all agree that the ones doing something about problems wouldn't really have time to sit around complaining about the problems.

I am looking out of my window, into my neighbourhood and the day is calling.

Can't wait to see pictures of you frolicking in the sunshine today.

I'll kick it off with a few highlights of our week. We went to Victoria for the weekend,  our little boys turned 4, and my roses in the backyard are amazing.