line ups

everyone has to have their talents. one of my little known talents is the ability to find the line up with the cuckoo-cuckoo who needs a price check on half of their order.

this happened yesterday.

it was pop or milk or something that was marked down to a dollar and it was coming up as 500 dollars or something like that. to make it even better,  the grocery store that i frequent is also undergoing renovations, so everyone is cranky, and the store clerks don't really know where anything is so they are taking longer than normal as well to find said item. 

thankfully i have a darling one year old girl who helps me pass the time. she flirts with all of the older men in line behind us. i don't know they are there until she starts giggling because the nice grandpa behind me is  doing the old "dismember my finger from the knuckle" trick. and because emma can't resist batting her eyes at anyone who will play with her, within moments we have a whole little gathering of previously grumpy people saying "isn't she cute? look at those ponytails. what pretty eyelashes she has". 

and all is right in the world again. 

until she gets too excited and bangs her head on the front of the grocery cart and then all of her fans remember that they were cranky and it is taking 10 minutes to find the price for a bottle of milk. 

if you are ever in the grocery store at the same time as me, pick the longest line up, and i bet you will still beat me out of the store. 

twists and turns

i was sitting in church this morning, and our pastor was sharing about how God can do the impossible in our lives, but in the meantime He is working on our character. he was encouraging us to trust God while everything is hard. i sat there with a silly smile on my face because there have been so many days that i have sat and heard the same message with no children, no husband and only a hope for those two things.

the strange thing about impossibles is that when you are in front of them they stand like a tall brick wall and you feel like the crazy that wants to see through it. when you are on the other side of it, you feel like the wise old sage that rocks in their chair and says "I knew it would happen one day".

another strange thing about impossibles is that when you are the one waiting for them it feels like there is no one who understands how you are feeling - and that your story is the newest and most difficult problem on the block. on the other side of it - everything in you wants to say "believe, it will come one day. my impossibles are now reality. don't give up."

and that is how i felt today. i was holding emma, feeling the new baby kick in my tummy and feeling my husbands hand on my back.

its not like i don't still have situations that seems impossible, but the big ones are settled. i have the love of my life, and two little ones to pour that life into. i want other people, especially the younger ones to know that there were many, many days that i wondered if it would ever come to pass. and it is so beautiful when it does, especially because i somehow managed to cross the finish line with my faith in tact - weathered to be sure, but deeper, stronger, sweeter for the trusting.

so, there i sat with a smile on my face, gratitude in my heart that today i am going to read books about raising children instead of believing through barrenness. and here at the sunset of this day, i just want to say - first it is impossible, then it is difficult and then it is done.

and for today, it is done.

the sand reveals it's secrets

i read that phrase in a devotional a few years ago. the premise behind the quote was taken from the story of Moses when he killed the Egyptian. he couldn't hide what he had done, the sand would reveal his secret.

no one is getting away with anything.

there are days when it seems like God is turning a blind eye to injustice, suffering or mistreatment. but He is not. He is having His way within the heart of man.

nothing purifies like a scorching wind of unfair treatment, or a round of betrayal. it hurts and every fibre in our being cries out for someone to notice that we are being abused or accused for things we don't feel we deserve.

but if it is unjust, unfair, a treatment based in dishonesty or spite - He will come, and defend and rescue us in due season. just when the hardship has had it's perfect way in us.

He watches, and waits to see if we will take things into our own hands, fight for our rights and demand a hearing. and He is waiting to see if we will respond like His Son. Jesus never defended Himself. He made Himself nothing, so we could have everything. Like a lamb lead to the slaughter, He never opened His mouth.

I can't imagine it - I think I would have called a press conference and made sure that everyone knew who i was and why it was a really, really bad idea to mess with me.

But, of course, He didn't.

That kind of perfection and trust would have been quite a sight.

and in the end, the truth always comes out. I bet those Pharisees slept great that night "Finally, we got rid of that trouble maker",

So, i submit and leave room for the process to change me, humble me, make me more like Him. Let the sand reveal it's secrets, and start with me. search me and know me Lord - let me look and sound like you and help me to not fight the process you have chosen for me.

running water

today i am thankful for running water. it is a strange thought to me, one who has always lived in  a house with indoor plumbing and warm water, that only one generation ago people used outhouses and took baths once a week in the family tub or the nearest stream. it is true. we were talking about this with some family members not so long ago and it seemed common that all of them had lived in at least one home that had an outhouse instead of a toilet.

look how far we have come.

this point was driven home to me while we were on vacation recently. we were staying at a lovely and comfortable cabin in the woods - but no indoor plumbing, no showers. we brought all of our own water in with us.

it is hard to conceive not showering every day, and fighting the elements whenever you needed to visit the biffy. i think i would have had a stronger bladder.

just thankful today and thought i would pass it on.

another thought about rebellion

i wrote awhile ago about rebellion and criticism. i have another short thought about rebellion that goes with the first one. it occurs to me that in order for rebellion to be effective, someone has to care about the one being rebellious. rebellion has love in its crosshairs. it has an appetite to hurt the ones that care the most about the overall well-being of the person that is being controlled by it.

we see this often with young people. when they are listening to the voice of rebellion, they feel strangely empowered to say incredibly hurtful things to the parents and leaders that are pouring their lives into them. when you are the one that is loving, it is so hard to separate their actions from who you know they are to be.

so, this is my short thought about rebellion, and i pray that i am never the one dishing out the evil poison.