I don't get tired of it. I love the pride that beams through moms and dads as they mark the passing of another year.
I would however, love to see a picture of the mom and dad. I wonder if they look like me. Excited, a little anxious, over protective, curious, emotional....
So many memories flood over us. Where did the time go? Heart pangs. I gather my courage and wave goodbye, trying not to think of what some mother told me, "you wave good bye at kindergarten, you blink and they are graduating."
I am super duper not ready to hear that.It is definitely time for Emma to be in school. I think she is bored with all of us. She is anxious to learn, make new friends, gain her own independence. But then, that little stumble of insecurity, a little too much distance and she is my baby all over again.
Today was a bit of slow start, fun games, get to know you kind of stuff. I was there, all of the parents were there. When we were talking about it last night she leaned into me with her sweet little pyjamas, her freshly washed hair and said "but you will be with me right? in case I need you?"
"Yup, I will be right there in case you need me" for now, my darling, for now.
But you will grow and you will find your feet and I will simultaneously rejoice and weep. I want you to be fierce little girl. I want you to know that you can conquer the world. You have it all. I want you to take risks, be brave, think new thoughts and change the world. Be a great friend, and notice everyone. Especially the ones on their own, searching for a friend.
I want to see your pictures moms and dads. Do you look like me? Smiling with tears running down your face? Of course I am happy for my own independence, I get a little bit of "my life", "my time" back. There is a lot to love about that, but I will never have a one, two, three, four year old Emma again. That book is closed.
My mom died 9 years ago. My life changed so dramatically in that season. I was always a "seize the day" kind of a girl but after that, I became a "take today by the throat and extract the essence out of it until the sun goes down" kind of a girl.
When people say "where did the time go?" I totally understand and agree that it passed quickly, but I can tell you exactly where the time went. It went into parks and slides and sunny days spent outside in the backyard splashing in various sizes of kiddie pools. It went into play dates with friends while we held each others babies and marvelled at their early signs of genius. The time was swallowed up with sleepless nights, doctors appointments, date days with mommy or daddy. Or the days were spent snuggling on the couch on a rainy day watching more than the recommended amount of Backyardigans, or BusyTown Mysteries.
We have played and crafted, visited every park in our fair city and all of the surrounding areas and we have loved every minute of it (except when we didn't, but let's not focus on that)
So, while I am swallowed in nostalgia, I am not buried in regret. These have been beautiful days, but there are beautiful days yet to come and I turn my face toward them with all of the courage I can muster.My two favourite jobs on this planet are being the wife of Shawn Harvey, and being the mom to Emma, Alina, Isaac, and Samuel Harvey. I will not spend a moment worrying that I didn't get enough out of the days behind, but I will sit and scroll through my photos and videos from the past five years with grateful tears streaming down my face.
