twins

these are some excerpts from a speech I did for a high school graduation last weekend - thought it was worth mentioning. it is a little long, brace yourselves...

eccl 7:2 death is the destiny of every man and the living should take it to heart. 

I want to tell you the story of two sisters, twins actually. their names were susan and sandra. they grew up in Houston, Texas the third and fourth children in a family of five. 

They grew up with the parents who did their best, but unfortunately, the parenting philosophy of the day was to withhold affection. So, neither of the girls heard “I love you” or “I am proud of you” very often. Their childhood years passed with good memories of vacations and all of the things two young children should be doing. Their teenage years, however, took them on two very different paths. 

Let’s start with Susan - Susan, a quiet child with a trace of mischief,  missing the confidence required to walk away from temptation -found herself following her two older brothers into the whirlwind of the 60’s - hippies, drugs, questioning the establishment, free love and all of the rest that the atmosphere had to offer her.

She didn’t really remember much of her late teens and twenties, she spent those days in her own way,  making no real friends, affecting very few. she never married, never had children. she did get her degree in her late 40’s and went to apply for jobs, but by then it seemed that she had missed out on the opportunities that she was supposed to have in her younger years. 

She was a wanderer, her tender heart swallowed in years of bad decisions and living a life without purpose or direction. She never truly found the one thing she was put on this earth to accomplish, she never found Christ. In 2003, her life ended sadly, with a handful of family members to mourn her passing. 

Sandra, on the other hand, had a much different life. She realized early in life that she was happiest with a paintbrush in her hand. She loved drawing and painting and all things creative. Her art was her haven and it protected her from the storm that her siblings were swept into. 

She met and married and very handsome man, Matthew when they were just 18 and 21. On her wedding day, on their way down the aisle her dad kept saying “it is not too late, you can call this off, we can just turn around and go home” - but she knew, this was the one for her. They were young and optimistic, ready to change the world. 

Within no time they were expecting their first of two daughters, Jamie and then 10 months later (yes, you do the math) their second girl was born - a darling little talker named Keri. 

The days to come would be marked by ups and downs, prosperity and financial difficulty, but most importantly love and laughter. They found Christ and lived their lives for the purpose of loving others and giving themselves to see other people succeed. 

Sandy (as she was most commonly known), was at her best when she was sitting and listening and loving the person she was with. “Time,” she would say “is the most precious gift we can give others” 

Growing up, our house was filled with people. Innumerable dinners, house guests and people who lived with us. There was always room for more, there was always enough to go around. 

I am also glad to say that she made the right decision to stay with Matt, since they were happily married for almost all of their 37 years.

Sadly, Sandy, my mom, left us in the summer of 2005. Even in her last days, we would find her comforting people as they came to say goodbye to her. She was telling them that God was good and He was taking care of all of us. We would watch as person after person came to receive just one more of her famous hugs, or hear her beautiful laugh. 

She was not a public speaker, or the most outgoing person, but one attribute stood out above all the rest: she loved people, and they knew it.  

I feel so much compassion for my aunt, who died alone with no one to celebrate her life - and I am so proud of my mom who had hundreds of people at her funeral, and every one of them came to celebrate the joy and the beautiful life that she lived. 

And this is why, graduates, I want you to think about the end of your life. These were twins. Same family, same opportunities, such a different outcome. 

We are all a direct result of the choices we make. 

I will close with three short lessons I learned from my mom, and my dad - who is awesome too and still very much alive. 

1. Be generous - Generosity comes out of our love for God. You cannot out give Him. Don’t hoard your money, your time, your space. Give it away and see how He multiplies it.If you cling to your life, you will lose it, and if you let   your life go, you will save it. Matt. 10:39
2. Assemble your cloud of witnesses - Hebrews 12 tells us that we are surrounded by a cloud of witnesses - meaning the heroes of the Bible that have gone before us, and they are cheering us on now that it is our turn to run our race.
1. This tells me that each of us need those who will stand with us, challenge us, confront us when we need it, and remind us who we are. 
1. for example, a few years ago, I was starting to get really negative and critical. I am normally a pretty optimistic person, so when my mom spent a few days with me, she noticed this negative trend I was picking up. So, she told me “Keri, you have always been my daughter of Joy - no one can take that from you without your permission. Your joy is your gift, and you need to fight for it.” and i did, and i still do to this day. 
2. my question is: who is in your life that knows you at the core of who you are? who is in your life that will tell you when you are drifting from your calling and your gifting? who do you allow in your life to tell you the truth? These can be parents, leaders, mentors or good friends - but whomever they are -when you find them, hold on to them and never let them go. invite them to challenge you and keep your feet pointed in the right direction.
3. a little side note here - none of us likes confrontation but we need to seek it out, it is the only way we change.

3. Work - work hard.  don’t waste time feeling sorry for yourself, making excuses, or blaming other people. The only way to succeed is to look at your life, your field, your race and figure out how to make yourself stronger, and better. don’t ever quit. the only true failure in life is quitting, never do it. 

guilt

one of the things i don't like about myself is that i constantly fight a feeling of guilt. one of the good things about myself is that i like to squeeze the essence out of everyday. one of the bad things about that is when i don't squeeze the essence out of every day and then i feel guilty.

did i hold my girls enough? did i play with them enough? did i teach them? was the tv on too much? were we healthy today, were we outside enough? on and on, you get the picture.

it is probably worry, which is a sin. so that is not good, and i could feel guilty about that too. are you seeing a theme forming here? it is so circular, subtle even. it is a low level whisper that never gives up.

will my kids be obese? will i live for a long time so i can enjoy them? am i a good example? will they respect me?

where is the exit from this train?

my sister, whom i love, is so good at being confident and saying "who cares what people think, you know you are doing a good job" where do you sell that mindset - i am buying.

we heard a chilling story when we were in our classes for adoption. the lady telling the story - an adoptive mom- said she and her adopted daughter were in the grocery store and when she wasn't allowed to have a popsicle the little girl yelled out " you are not my real mom!". i was horrified! what happens if this child that i adore disowns me in front of all the other people in the store?? i told my sister and she laughed it off ..."all kids say stuff like that, Jonah (my nephew) just walked out of his room and said 'i hate you'  and i just said 'you don't mean that, go back to your room' ".

of course he doesn't hate her. he is her son. emma will not disown me, she is my daughter.

the same smart lady who told me that it is better to have the marriage of your dreams than to have the wedding of your dreams, also told me that when she became a mom, she got baptized in guilt. so, at least i am not alone.

now saying all of that in a public forum such as this, i want to clarify: i am not looking for you to say nice things about me and tell me how wonderful i am. i am just saying that we all have our stuff and this is mine. and i am working on it, as best i can. each day, i am looking for ways to silence that little voice in my brain that tells me that i am not enough.

deep breath keri.

the truth is, love never fails. i will fail. we will all fail, but love never fails.

Thank God