i am the guilty party in this case. if the club made t-shirts, i would have one. i would have tried to turn it in 1,000 times because it is a title that most of us run from. it usually means that a person cares more about what people think than they should. of course, that is a trap we can all fall into, but some of us struggle more than others.
i would agree that to please others while losing your own identity is a big mistake, however, i would like to say that people pleasing isn't all that bad. especially when you consider the alternative. what exactly is the alternative? to make people angry all the time? that doesn't sound very appealing either.
it is true that in different seasons of my life, i have been paralyzed by fear of what people would think. but in some ways, i am grateful for those seasons. that is where i learned to read body language, to pick up on nuance in conversation, and to know when people are glad they are talking to you or if they would really rather that you go away. those are good skills to have in your tool box. how else do you learn them? i wouldn't know, insecurity was my classroom for all of it.
now that i am a grown up, i understand that some people click, some people don't. some people are fun to be with and to even make happy, some people will not be happy no matter how hard you try. so, if i throw my efforts in profitable directions, i don't mind making people happy.
we will have fans and we will have people that don't like us. especially if we are leaders. i hate that lesson. sometimes, just being a leader pushes people away. and if we will ever truly lead, there is no way to escape people dis-liking us intensely. i rely on the wise words of Bill Cosby for those moments - "I don't know the secret to success, but I know the secret to failure is trying to please everyone".
i can't please everyone, and i have stopped trying (most of the time) but i am still glad that i know how to make some people happy - i am glad that i learned how to lift the load off of people through laughter and kindness. i think of all the years that i tried to stop being a pleaser - i lived in a world that almost made that title a swear word. but i am ready now to celebrate my people-pleaser-ness.
if you want to be in my club, let me know. we could do pep rallies or something.
