complaining and grumbling

i feel the need to complain about complaining.

i hate it.

i hate it in me, and i hate hearing it. it is the language of ungratefulness. it comes right from the rule book of "me first".

when i complain, i know it is because someone didn't put me and my wants first. they didn't think about the way i would want things done, and it just irks me.

this attitude finds its way right to the heavens when i complain about the weather, or the mosquitos, or the way i am made.

i love my niece and nephew, they are darling children (don't be afraid sister, i am going somewhere with this). they are 5 and 8. they are here with us this week to attend our kids camp. like i said, they are kids, and kids don't really mask what they are thinking very well. for instance, i got my hair done on monday and they were here to see it - it is a little different than how i usually do it, the color is a bit more extreme than i usually have it. so abbie tells me "i like your new hair - it looks really weird".

it is candid...refreshing... i don't mind.

i make food for them, and it is different than their food. they liked most of it. and tried to like the rest of it, but there was no mystery when it wasn't their favorite. and in these moments, their parents and their family teach them not to complain and to be grateful. so they learn to swallow their thoughts and "take it like a man".

and we all learned this somehow. to keep it to ourselves, to say thank you even if we don't mean it. i don't disagree with that notion at all. but it is what happens next that has me wondering.

when complaining grows up it becomes grumbling. and grumbling is a whole other animal.

when complaining shouts, grumbling whispers. complaining usually happens face to face, out where everyone can hear it.  complaining is not a virtue to be sure,  it is loud and obnoxious but at least everyone knows that you are the one doing it and they can call it what it is.

grumbling is the shadow below the water, the slow and steady annihilation of a person, an organization or a belief.

grumbling is the beginning of the end to all greatness.

great people, great churches, great societies, on and on. grumbling erodes the confidence of the people and rots the vision from the inside out. the worst part is that the damage is done on the lower levels before any leader gets a whiff of it. by the time the leaders find out about it, the thoughts (whether they are true or not) have lodged themselves deeply into the thought patterns of the people.

it is the questioning of motives, actions and attitudes with our mouth cocked sideways and a low voice "i sure wouldn't do it that way" or "they don't know what they are doing".

that may even be true, but what a gutless way to deal with it. grumbling is what cowards do because they don't want to be a part of the solution.

i hate it when i see the Israelite heart rise up that says "why did you make that one a leader, why not him, or her or even me? Moses can barely tie his shoes, why should we listen to him? give us a try and see how we do!"

let me assure you that it does not go unnoticed. i have seen it in me, and i have been on the receiving
end i dislike both places equally.

it humbles me that God, so holy, would put up with this nonsense generation after generation. Jesus, help us. Lord, let us be builders and not destroyers. Let our mouths be used as tools of life and not death. Let our hearts be ready to mend and not tear down. and mostly Lord, protect your Moses' and those you have appointed. let us learn from them, watch over them and encourage them. forgive us for the times we have been a part of the poison instead of the antidote. make us sensitive to the words we speak and the things we cherish in our hearts. and let us rule, when our time comes, with wisdom and grace. amen

freewriting

when i was in college, i took a writing class. i learned about freewriting there. the idea is to write whatever comes into your head without lifting your pencil or stopping typing. it is a bit scary, but you can get some fun sentences going if you really let yourself go for it. no backspace, which i have used at least 15 times already, and no course corrections. you just let your brain go down a writing path and see what you come up with.

ready....go.

i am writing and watching nothing on tv. oops i have used backspace three times alreday. i dont think i a m goingt to be good at this game. it is like not matching, i doin't think i can leave mistakes, used it twice just then. i am not getting very far onto a thought...hmmmm...today we had jonah and abigail here, they are sellppeeing. emma sn and alina asrre sleeping too. that is nice.

ok, i can't do it anymore. this exercise was effective in teaching me that i am a sloppy typer.

we are trying to watch america's got talent. i am not so sure they do. sorry.

i got my hair done today, it is going to take time to get used to it, it is quite different for me.

and this week is kids camp. now a very gifted yo-yo artist is doing his thing - where else is he going to make it on national television?

so there you go. this is an online journal, and you just jumped in on my very deep 4th of july thoughts.

happy birthday america. you are still the land that i love.