sunday thoughts

I used to dream about hosting a morning talk show. I realize now that it wont happen, but I always like the part when they banter at the beginning about their weekend etc...

So this is my version. It is Sunday night, the kids are in bed. I had a nap today so I actually feel somewhat awake so it is a good time to blog about my week and review life and the lessons I learned here at the Harvey House. I will admit now that most of the thoughts will come from the last few days since i seem to be losing my long term memory. By long term, I mean last Monday.

Emma came and told me that her bum was talking and she needed to go poo.


Samuel and Issac (ok, frustrating! i keep spelling his name wrong. my son! what kind of a mother am i??) Isaac discovered each other this week. They were laying in their crib, holding hands (ahhhh!) and then Samuel made eye contact with Isaac and giggled, and then Isaac giggled back. I am sure that rainbows and butterflies flew out of my eyes. I love having twins.

Speaking of the twins, I just want to say that I love having boys. I know the girls love me, but my goodness the adoration that those boys look at me with! I can understand why there are so many comments made about mothers in law(not my mother in law, other mothers in law just to be clear) - i am pretty sure i will be that creepy lady from the book "I love you forever"- in twenty years you will very likely see me driving across town with a ladder on the top of my by then ancient mini van so I can rock my baby boys back and forth, back and forth..."as long as I'm living my baby you'll be" .....you need to read the book.  

last night we had friends over for dinner.  We love every minute we can spend with them. They are in grandparent stage and nothing phases them. When Alina (our never grumpy, made of rubber, bounces back from anything kind of a girl) kept rubbing her tummy saying "mommy, tummy hurt" I didn't think she really meant it.

That was a mistake.

Just as we all sat down to dinner, she walked over and threw up all over the floor by my feet.

We all just popped into "clean up vomit" mode and go on with dinner (not a parent? just wait,  you will understand one day, trust me it is super fun!)

Alina is in a funny phase, but I think all of her phases have been funny so far. You know people who are just funny? Well, Alina is one of those. For no one's benefit, she walks around the house with a box on her head and runs into walls just to make herself laugh. And she insists on going potty all the time now, for fun. Sometimes she gets the timing right - I am sure by accident, but it encourages her in her self-potty training adventure so I am spending copious amounts of time in the bathroom waiting for lightning to strike.

Today we went to the park. We call it the blue park, and we all love it. We drive across town, it is right next to a Starbucks and the toys are great for the stage the kids are in.

It also makes me nostalgic. Look at this picture we have of Emma in this park from spring a year ago.  She looks so tiny going down the slide. She needed help to get around all of the toys, get up on the slide etc... This year there is no turning back. As soon as we arrive she is off playing and showing Alina how to do everything.

Next year, at this time the boys will be walking (probably) and we will be out of baby phase for good. And then I am done. Every new thing they do is the last time I will do it. They roll over, and that is the last of our babies to roll over for the first time (I am not making this stuff up, I actually think about this stuff) I am so aware of the sweetness of this season. My children are close and they love spending time with us. These days will pass so quickly.

I am also really challenged about the producing the fruit of the Holy Spirit in my life (Galatians 5:22). Encouragement can be a gift along with hospitality, or leadership. But patience is not a gift, love is not a gift, nor is kindness or peace. All of those must be grown in my day to day life. Sometimes, under the guise of "discipline" kindness goes out the window. Lots of times, because I want to do something else,  not something important, just what I want to do...patience takes a back seat to my own agenda. I am so convicted about this...how can I expect to raise patient, kind and loving kids if they see irritation, impatience and unloving behaviour in me?

Grrrrr! There are days that I seriously just want them to come and put their pajamas on the first time I ask them! After the 100th "naked parade" as much as I love hearing them laugh, I am done! I am tired, I don't want to laugh any more, I just want to have some quiet before I fall into bed and do it all again tomorrow. But then, of course, when I am putting them down and their little hearts quiet down, we make eye contact, we pray and we have those moments that make parenting worth the craziness that happens every day.

So, there you have it. The world through my eyes this week. I am about to go and close said eyes.

Goodnight.

the world we live in

I find myself in a strange position. I used to have zero children. Now, in a relatively short amount of time i have four children. You could say that we planned for this, but we didn't really. We factored it in as a possibility kind of in the same way that I could plan to take a little weekend getaway to Mars.

When one struggles under infertility for 6 years, the idea of having twins is so remote it is a little hard to put into words.

So, all of that to say when people look at me like "um...birth control?" I just want to say "Hey! no one is as surprised as me ok?"

On Monday we were out with all four kids (something we don't do often), and we were talking to a couple that we had just met, at the end of the conversation they said "and you are finished having kids now right?". Well, yes, we are, but frankly that is none of your bees-wax and what if we weren't? what is the big deal with having lots of kids?

I'll tell you what the big deal is...we are selfish.

Go ahead, get mad at me, but what I say is true.

We don't have big families anymore because it isn't responsible, or maybe we fear we will lose our identity in the craziness of parenting...whatever.

big families are not for everyone, i get that. but where has the value for family gone? and why is it irresponsible if someone wants to have a big family?

i will tell you another story.

Costco parking lot: dad dealing with a son who is having a temper tantrum. i look over my shoulder at the situation, relieved that my kiddo's are at home and it is not my turn to deal with a screaming child in the Costco parking lot. Then an employee walks by me and says "that is why i never had kids".

Really? oh lady, i am so sad for you. if all i saw of children was at the grocery store, wal-mart, or the costco parking lot, i would not want to be a parent either. BUT, there are so many other moments that dwarf tantrums, crying, sleeplessness, the lack of money, or all of the other things that make parenting hard.

Emma decided her word for today was unfortunately. "Unfortunately, we won't be able to go to the bank" (she just turned 3. where does she come up with this stuff?) Alina has been a horse for a few days now, so she sounds like this "nay, nay, hi mommy, nay, nay" and she gallops away. every day emma asks me to look for kisses on her face before she goes to bed. There must be hugs and songs and prayers and deep looks into each other's eyes. Alina needs big hugs and books read to her, a little tummy scratch and lots of "i love you's". Our boys giggle and smile now. I would live on two hours of sleep for another year just to hear one of those little boys giggle again.

it is the temporary vs. the eternal. I am uncomfortable often. I am overwhelmed with my responsibilities daily, but i know that i am a vital part of shaping 4 little lives. this is the highest calling i will ever walk in. I could have traded all of this in for more vacations, nicer furniture or some peace and quiet (trust me, sometimes i wonder why i didn't). We did this because we know that even if it is hard in the moment, the joy far outweighs the sacrifice and the sacrifice makes everything more joyful in the end.

So, when people look at me and wonder what I was thinking when they see me with all my little bundles, i smile and think "do you get to look for kisses on someone's face before you go to bed tonight? because i do."  I wouldn't trade it for the world.