Seedless

How about this for a random thought? The other day I was making plum jam. It takes a little bit of effort because you have to pit the plums to get them ready for the rest of the process. The whole thing can be a bit mindless, so I found myself thinking about seeds. Then watermelons. Then seedless watermelons. Where did seedless watermelons come from anyway? Why aren't other fruits seedless? Who thought to do that? Why did they do that? Are you following so far?

Why would they make watermelons seedless? Because seeds are inconvenient.

I snorted a little to myself with the realization. If ever there was a picture of a selfish generation it is the seedless watermelon. Isn't that what you think every time you eat a modern watermelon?

There is so much right going on in our generation (I mean the people breathing air on the planet right now), I will never be a doom sayer or a "what happened to the good ol' days" person. These are great days to be alive.

But try to have children and see what kind of conversations you get into. Or, for example, try to take your small tribe of 6 to an ice cream parlour and watch a 70 year old couple take one look at you and your little army and rush to cut in line so they don't have to waste their time while each child decides if they want bubble-gum or strawberrry. This is a true story from my summer and it isn't an isolated one.

Some people struggle when children enter the scene. I totally understand.

They are loud.
They are demanding.
They can be aggressive.
They are so, so messy.
They are indecisive.
They don't let you sleep when you want to.
They don't let you sit down when you want to.
They kind of require that you are the grown up, and you don't really get to be the spoiled one. Kind of, ever.

They point out, seemingly at every turn, how much their presence requires me to "get over myself" and do what is right for them.

It almost seems easier to just not.

Why would we put ourselves through this? Day after day. I am a feeding, cleaning, negotiation machine. I am tired and overwhelmed often.

What is the point?

The point is that in every way, I am a better person because I am a parent.

My desire for comfort and prominence are a never ending machine that will never be satisfied.

I want new furniture.
I want a new kitchen.
I want to sleep through the night and take naps on a fairly regular basis.
I want to be successful.
I want to be noticed for my giftings and talents.
I want quiet.
I want to go to a restaurant without apologizing for the mess on the floor.
I want my home to stay clean.
I want to read a book, all day long.

I could go on, but I think you see. I, I, I. Me, Me, Me.

I don't have to work to be like this. I just am. I have to work to NOT be like this. The kids just help me see it ALL DAY LONG. EVERY DAY OF MY LIFE.

I have to say that it isn't just having children though. If you are going to care about others at all, ever and learn to put others needs above your own, I promise you will have an uphill battle.

The truth is, we could be seedless. We could let our lives continue to be filled with very little trouble or inconvenience. We could pad our life in such a way that nothing disturbs our space or time with its loud announcement that we are not actually the epicentre of the universe. Or we could press into the inconvenience. We could understand that fighting for our own rights really just makes us fussy, angry people in the end anyway.

Maybe this is why Jesus said in Luke 17:33

"Whoever seeks to save his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life will preserve it."

I feel the press in me all the time. Will I seek to save my life - or the way of life that I think will bring me the most joy? Or will I allow myself to give my life, my time, my gifts, my value, to others and trust that my needs will be met as I meet the needs of others? 


I value life. I especially value four particular miracles that can, at times, cause me a great amount of discomfort. But I will not be seedless just for the sake of a few more naps every month. 

I pray that we will all take a few minutes to look at the "inconveniences" in our life and see if they are put there to make us into the person we actually want to be. 

Aging in the New Year

It is the New Year, time for new beginnings and a time to reflect a little about the passing of time. I got a little head start because I started a new skincare regimen that is full of promises to reverse the signs of aging, diminish fine lines and wrinkles, etc. I guess because I am paying a little more attention to my skin I am actually looking in the mirror more these days. I have looked in the mirror every day for years when I get ready but lately I have been looking and assessing the toll these past few years have taken on me. It is hard to say if I look ragged because I have had four kids in 2.5 years, or if I look ragged because that just happens as you get older.

I notice that I have some furrow marks over my eyebrows and little rivits at the top of my nose that I don't remember seeing before. I am pretty sure my eyes have sunken in a little bit from sleep deprivation. The crows feet by my eyes I don't mind so much, I see them as trophies for all of the good laughing spells. That goes for the little lines over my lips, I am pretty sure they are there because I whistle. Whistling is happy and cute, if I get wrinkles because of the habit, so be it. 

What I am not ok with is the strange turkey like neck that is developing under my chin. I am starting to notice that my neck takes a few seconds longer to turn when my face does because there is an extra inch or two of skin beginning to swallow my chin and working hard to make my neck and face one happy couple. Where did my jawline go? 

I look at my dad, my mom, pictures of other family members and they all have this little neck issue. My dad actually told one of my kids that he was slowly turning into a turkey when they asked him what happened to his neck. Thanks for that dad, the kids are scarred for life. Little do they know that one day they will turn into a turkey too. 

Noooooo! I quietly yell at the mirror when I see it happening to me. I am pretty sure that not even fancy Retinoid filled lotion is going to slow my disintegration into a poultry necked mother of four. Dumb genes.  

I am a 44 year old woman. I am a 44 year old woman with four children under 5. If you know me, you know that I am grateful everyday for these little souls. I don't care how old I am, I am just grateful to have them. But in my own little insecure wanderings I hope that my kids are proud of me even as they get older. I never want them to think they have an old mom.

All of this has me thinking about age, aging and what kind of person I want to be as I grow older. The truth is, there is very little that I can actually do to slow or stop the effects of time as it marches over my complexion. Lotions and potions help, proper eating and exercise...sure...but they can't stop it all together.

I study people all the time so I have started a list of things that I think make a soul pretty. I suppose that it could also be a list of things that age a soul or make it less pretty so that will weave in I am sure. These points are compiled based on what I see in those souls that I see aging gracefully. They are the ones I want to be like. 

1. They are grateful - Nothing ages a person like complaining, and IT IS SO EASY TO DO! The older I get, the more things that I notice that are wrong. It is easy to get fussy and want things just so. I love grateful people. They don't worry when things go wrong, they are just happy to be there. They say thank you

often, and fight that downward spiral into negativity and entitlement.

2. They live in a state of wonder - they are determined to learn, from everything from everyone. They never stop being amazed at the world we live in. They never get familiar with the people that they go through life with. They never take on a know it all attitude. Every person they encounter has something new to offer and to teach. These people are life-long learners and life is their classroom. It almost feels like they have front row seats to their own existence and they are ready to jump to their feet for a round of applause at any moment. 

3. They are cheerleaders for those around them - My husband, Shawn rode in a big bike race last fall. The race started in downtown Vancouver and ended at the top of Whistler, BC. He rode his bike for 7 hours straight up the side of a mountain. I was beside myself with excitement for him. I felt so much joy and pride when he crossed the finish line. Before that happened though, I stood as hundreds of other riders went by. I stood with family members that were waiting for their dads, sons, daughters and wives to cross the  line. For awhile I found a shady spot to watch and wait. Then I noticed an older couple with signs that read "Go Steve" and "Go Todd". This couple cheered for at least an hour for EVERY SINGLE RIDER that went past them. They yelled things like "YOU DID IT!" "YOU ARE AMAZING!" "WAY TO DO IT!"...on and on these two went. Cheering as though every rider was their own flesh and blood. That is when I saw it...these riders, exhausted, thirsty, hungry and ready to be finished heard these two strangers telling them that they could do it, and all of a sudden they would smile and strength would come back into their legs and they would kick it one more time before they crossed the finish line. I was so moved by the whole thing that I found myself jumping and clapping for strangers too "YOU ARE ALMOST THERE!" "ONE MORE CORNER AND YOU DID IT!" and these strangers would look at me, half smile and kick it one more time, up and out of sight across the finish line. By the time Shawn and his team got to me, I was hoarse but so happy. I felt like I was a vital part of the race.  I think it is easy as we get older to get full of opinions and freely give unsolicited (sometimes unwelcome) advice. I am determined to cheer for others and encourage them as they make their decisions. Everyone can give advice, but how many people actually take time to encourage others and give them that extra strength they need to get around an issue? Encouraging people are beautiful souls. I want to be more like that. 

4. They choose joy - I will never forget the day I was talking to a woman who was in her eighties and I was telling her how much I appreciate her joy. She smiled sweetly and said "It's a choice". We all have hard things that come our way. We all have reasons to be intense and grumpy, but if we look we can always find reasons to be happy too. It's a choice, always has been, always will be. 

5. They notice people - I will never forget the feeling of being a young adult and the overwhelming realization that I couldn't live at home forever and get free meals at my parents house. I was in a mentoring program during that time and I felt so overwhelmed by my own immaturity, disorganization and overall lack of understanding of how the world around me worked. In the middle of this, one of the pastors in the church walked up to me one day and said "Keri, you are a thoroughbred - meant to run". I think I was having a particularly hard day that day and I remember hearing 1,000 arguments in my head against his kind words and yet those words sunk to the deepest place of my heart and began to transform me. He, along with my parents and many others, believed in me before I believed in myself. They were patient with me, they spoke words of life over me and encouraged me when I felt like giving up.  They taught me that every person is worth noticing whether we see their value immediately or not. There are so many surprises out there if we will take the time to see them.

I fear this is starting to turn into an epistle, so I will end. I will continue to work on my enlarged pores and other tell tale signs that I am not in my twenties anymore. My hope is that the work I am doing to keep my soul rich will swallow the aging process and inside beauty will do its work.  Here's to you 2015 - I will turn 45 under your watch, if I do this right I will get younger and younger with every passing month. I welcome you and all that you bring.  Let's do this. 

Thank You

I am going to post two blogs today, this one will be very short.  I want to take a minute and say thank you to those of you who read my ramblings. Blogging is a strange experience. I sit in my dining room for a few minutes at a time until something takes shape. I read and re-read, then hit share. I never know who reads it, who will share it, who will comment or who will be impacted by these little rabbit trails I send out to the internet. I am always blessed and encouraged when someone finds me to tell me that they could relate to something I wrote, or that they appreciate my honesty. 

Sometimes I wonder if anyone actually does read it other than my family. Then someone will see me at church, at the grocery store or send me a private message to let me know that what I am going through hit a nerve with their own personal experience. 

It means a lot to me that we can do life together even if we don't see each other on a regular basis. I hope we can do more of it in the future. 

I pray that this year is full of "more than you could hope for or dream of" kind of blessings, new and exciting adventures, and for the restoring of hopes and dreams that have been stolen. 

Thanks for sharing the journey with me. 

Keri