when dreams grow up

every woman dreams of her prince, her wedding day, her future children, her dreams coming true. you can't tell me we aren't made that way. disney is making billions on that assumption. most single girls go to weddings and think to themselves "oh, i like that, i want to do that." or "I would do it this way instead", most of the conversation in her head or with her friends for the rest of the day starts with the sentence "when i get married..."

i think the challenge with this wiring is that we spend so much time imagining the event, that the event can swallow the most important thing : that you get married - to a good man - the man of your dreams.

i was in the same boat when i got married. i never imagined that i would be planning my wedding from my mom's hospital room. i never imagined that i would wonder if we were planning a wedding and a funeral at the same time. i never pictured that i would be a grieving bride.

to fill in the blanks, if you don't know, one week after shawn and i were engaged - my mom was diagnosed with cancer. "two days, two weeks, two months to live" that is what the doctor told us. my world shattered. my hopes shattered. this was nothing like i planned. i couldn't have made that up if i tried.

my dream had to grow up.

i had to realize very quickly that the most important thing was not having the best flowers, the most beautiful dress, or the most impressive reception. the most important thing was the strong man who was standing beside me when my world fell apart. this man sat on the floor with his back toward me, holding my hand until i fell asleep on that first night of the diagnosis. this man was my rock and my best friend, the man of my dreams.

a wise woman told me in that season, "it is better to have the marriage of your dreams than having the wedding of your dreams".

and that is just what happened. i did have a beautiful wedding, but it was not what i planned.  it was much simpler. we didn't blow the budget on decorations, our friends and family were our decorations. my mom was there, she was radiant. and we believe that miracles happened that day.

i was talking to a beautiful bride last week. she is getting married in less than a month. and she is feeling all the "perfect wedding" stress. and i handed her all of this, my best advice - you are marrying an amazing man, and no one will remember what colour your napkins were.

everyones dreams grow up - they come true in their own way. in a richer, more beautiful way. they come true in a way that grows us and makes us more grateful for what is true. when the dream fits into truth, that is a dream come true.

simple little things

it never fails to amaze me how my little sighs, little whispered wishes, not even prayers, just seem to happen sometimes. the other day i was baking (not a habit, let me assure you, although i have been on a banana bread kick lately) and emma was interested in helping. i thought to myself, it would be so fun to find her a little apron so she can bake with mommy.

and i thought the other day (maybe even the same day) that emma is getting bored with her toys, it would be nice to have a few more new things for her so she can occupy herself with something other than plastic grocery bags (as she is doing while i write this - they are not over her head, just in case you were worried that i am not paying attention).

then, this weekend, my dad and gloria came up for a wedding and brought me some hand-me-down clothes for the girls along with a new little stroller, a shopping cart, and you guessed it...an apron just her size.

how does He do that?

and how can i miss it? i am sure i do, too often. but this time, i remembered and i was just so grateful. i love surprises and how fun that God loves to surprise.

then later in the week, i was feeling a little overwhelmed, and out of the blue one of my girls offered to come over on friday to watch the girls. this is what she said "you and shawn haven't been out on a date for awhile, how about i come over so you can go out?".

are you kidding me?? you were thinking about us? you noticed that we haven't been out for awhile? people amaze me.

thanks Lord.  really, thanks.

is the plural of derby derbies?

i think that the word derby is way underused. the kentucky derby is this weekend and it just made me think..."derby, i like that word....derby...we don't use that word anymore" i am trying to think of ways to incorporate derby into our lives again.

doesn't it just make you think of cool hats and lower crime rates? i wish i lived when derbys (derbies) were more common. but i think the world was less paved and there weren't enough outlets in the bathrooms.

ok, i will be happy with my era.

but still, i think maybe i will throw a derby. i will have to look up the real definition of a derby. be right back.

ok it is a game between rivals. or it is a little hamlet in england, or it is a cool hat worn by the old gangsters.

this might be challenging. why did they have fishing derbies? that sounds pretty innocent and fun.

i think i will throw a mommy derby. maybe we will to timed races to clean up puke, changing diapers and managing a tantrum all at once.

that doesnt actually sound fun. that sounds like every day life.

nevermind, no mommy derby.

anyway- one baby is crying and one baby is throwing grapes, so i will go and have my daily derby.

if only i had a hat.