when dreams grow up

every woman dreams of her prince, her wedding day, her future children, her dreams coming true. you can't tell me we aren't made that way. disney is making billions on that assumption. most single girls go to weddings and think to themselves "oh, i like that, i want to do that." or "I would do it this way instead", most of the conversation in her head or with her friends for the rest of the day starts with the sentence "when i get married..."

i think the challenge with this wiring is that we spend so much time imagining the event, that the event can swallow the most important thing : that you get married - to a good man - the man of your dreams.

i was in the same boat when i got married. i never imagined that i would be planning my wedding from my mom's hospital room. i never imagined that i would wonder if we were planning a wedding and a funeral at the same time. i never pictured that i would be a grieving bride.

to fill in the blanks, if you don't know, one week after shawn and i were engaged - my mom was diagnosed with cancer. "two days, two weeks, two months to live" that is what the doctor told us. my world shattered. my hopes shattered. this was nothing like i planned. i couldn't have made that up if i tried.

my dream had to grow up.

i had to realize very quickly that the most important thing was not having the best flowers, the most beautiful dress, or the most impressive reception. the most important thing was the strong man who was standing beside me when my world fell apart. this man sat on the floor with his back toward me, holding my hand until i fell asleep on that first night of the diagnosis. this man was my rock and my best friend, the man of my dreams.

a wise woman told me in that season, "it is better to have the marriage of your dreams than having the wedding of your dreams".

and that is just what happened. i did have a beautiful wedding, but it was not what i planned.  it was much simpler. we didn't blow the budget on decorations, our friends and family were our decorations. my mom was there, she was radiant. and we believe that miracles happened that day.

i was talking to a beautiful bride last week. she is getting married in less than a month. and she is feeling all the "perfect wedding" stress. and i handed her all of this, my best advice - you are marrying an amazing man, and no one will remember what colour your napkins were.

everyones dreams grow up - they come true in their own way. in a richer, more beautiful way. they come true in a way that grows us and makes us more grateful for what is true. when the dream fits into truth, that is a dream come true.