dad's on the front porch

We just finished a great week of meetings with one of my favourite people: Jim Anderson, from Spokane. He was here this week to speak to our class. This man has dedicated his life to instructing a generation about God's view on sexuality and His heart for women.

He is like a floodlight in a dusty room. He begins to speak about the heart of a woman and I sit there, thinking "how on earth does he know that stuff? I can barely verbalize what is going on in the recesses of my heart and here he is pressing on all these tender spots!" He will say things like "women are wired for security, safety, permanence, and commitment."

and he is right. we may resist those old fashioned boxes, but we will all prove in time that these are indeed the greatest longings of our heart. We try to pretend that we don't need commitment, but we fight every time a relationship starts to keep from blurting out "where are we going with this? are you going to stick around?"

even if some hide it better than others, if we were really honest we would have to say we will not give our deepest selves unless we are safe.

anyway that is not really what i wanted to say. but it is important.

what i did want to say was that Jim told a story once that really left an impression on me.

He was outside one day and he heard his girls (2 of the 6 that he has) crying. He ran around the corner to hear them say "dad, those boys were throwing rocks at us". He went running after the boys and with his pointer finger out he said "WERE YOU THROWING ROCKS AT MY DAUGHTERS?"

I bet those boys wet their pants.

Then he went on to say that if dads would spend more time on their porches, their girls would be safer and boys would not be free to throw rocks at them.

and that is one of the main tragedies of our modern society. there are not enough dads protecting their daughters, and not enough men teaching young men how they should behave.

so rocks are thrown, hearts are broken a hundred times over and young people are left to figure it out on their own.

it was never meant to be that way.

God placed the older to teach the younger. to lead, guide and model what real adulthood looks like.

i have confessed my love for porches in earlier entries. so let me add this...i love porches with dad's on them, ready to chase and train the next generation.

i shudder to think that my girls would feel like an object to be used, or preyed on. and i can promise you the words that would come from my husband.... "over my dead body".

a girl without the voice of a father is left to fill her heart with the glances of a thousand men. and it will never satisfy. only love, permanence and acceptance for who we are will create an atmosphere where we can be who we were truly made to be.

it is like my little girls now. they love running around the house naked, it cracks them up. it cracks me up too, i am sure you can imagine. they are free, they are loved, they are not ashamed or afraid.

this confidence comes from their surroundings. they are safe. they are loved. they are delighted in.

and while we will not encourage that naked behaviour forever (ok, ok, we will teach them manners, i guess), i do pray that the security they feel here will cause them to run into life with the same boldness that they run around our house with now.

i wish i could stand on my roof and shout "DAD'S! GO OUTSIDE AND PAY ATTENTION TO WHAT IS HAPPENING AROUND YOU! we need you so desperately. teach your sons to honour and protect, teach your daughters to walk in purity and confidence."

i think we should all get busy building porches again. i am more and more convinced that the fall of every great civilization starts when people get rid of their front porches.

did the romans have porches? see? i rest my case. goodnight.

gratitude

the older i get, the more i am convinced. gratitude is the key to all longevity, and mental wellness.

it is the cure for familiarity, entitlement, disappointment, discouragement, self-pity, anger, jealousy, apathy and anxiety. there are more, but that should cover most of the things that ail us.

think about it.

we are robbed by ungratefulness. when we feel we deserve more, we get angry or disappointed - it a gratitude issue. maybe this why David said "it is better to be a doorkeeper in the house of the Lord than to dwell in the tents of the wicked". (Ps. 84:10)

he was just glad to be there. so it makes me wonder...am i?

why do i hesitate to give my heart?

why do i withhold time, affection, attention because i forgot what it was like to feel like i was on the outside looking in. am i still grateful for all that He has done for me?

do i still have a heart for the lonely, now that i am not lonely?

do i still have a heart for the aching heart, now that my heart is not aching?

and to these questions i would say, it depends on how grateful i am.

but i also learned in those seasons of loneliness, and aching that i needed to be grateful - not for what i had, but because of who He is. His love never fails, it never gives up. even when i didn't see my circumstances changing, it was still my job to be grateful. and if i couldn't thank Him for the things i couldn't see, there is no way i would have been grateful when i could see them.

there were days that it was so hard, that i literally just said "thank you that i have feet".

i couldn't think of anything else, but i KNEW  i needed to be grateful. so, sometimes it was feet. and even still - some people don't even have feet, and they still have to be grateful. that is what makes them heroes to the rest of us who have everything and we are still unhappy.

the worst thing is, try to tell a room full of 18-25 year olds that this is truth, but if they are not grateful to receive the truth, it cannot set them free.

i feel my own conviction kicking in here...i have been overwhelmed this week. of course i am grateful to be pregnant, but i am starting to imagine trying to wrangle four children under 3 when these little bundles arrive sometime in the late spring. and i am telling myself, as i am writing to the big blogging world, that He will not give us more than we can handle and i have to fight to stay in a place of gratitude and away from anxiety and fear.

i am thankful tonight, not just for my feet, but for the other 5 sets of feet that now make up the Harvey family.