The Keri Harvey Way

There are many times that I wonder how Shawn does it. He is a quiet, alone time, kind of person. Before he married me he spent lots of time rollerblading, reading, programming computers, going to musicals and shows (which came in handy when I came on the scene) etc...he has many invisible boxes that you wouldn't really notice until you tromp through them.

That is where I come in (not to mention our 4 children).

I realized this again the other day when he was doing the dishes. He was looking out into our backyard, then I saw him kind of squint and lean forward like he was looking for something. I didn't have to look, I knew exactly what was catching his eye.

It was lettuce.

It was the lettuce I threw out there earlier in the week. I was aiming for the com-poster in the far corner of the yard, but I am a horrible aim so it landed on the deck. Actually the lettuce landed on the deck on the second throw, the first throw hit the roof of the patio and bounced back to hit my head.

I tried to explain that I wanted to do my part for the environment, but I couldn't take the time right then to take the lettuce to the com-poster (I have four small children you know, lots can happen in a small amount of time) so I threw it. When he looked at me with "those eyes" I shrugged and said "it's good for the soil". " IT IS NOT ON THE SOIL, IT IS ON THE DECK!" Details, details.

The head shake that follows these conversations is not new to me.

Emma is in a key phase, meaning she wants mine. She likes to pretend she is going shopping, etc... so she needs my keys to drive there. So I hand them over. Usually she is quite responsible and puts them in predictable places like her microwave in her play kitchen or her grocery cart, but last week she put them into one of her 2,000 purses and for the life of me I could not find them. I would ask her and she would say "they are in my purse", "which one?" I ask. Total silence. She doesn't remember. I couldn't find my keys for a week that time.

Then Shawn won't let me have his. The nerve. He thinks I should just say no to her. Silly man with such impractical solutions.

Emma also likes to sleep on our floor at night. Not every night, but when she does come, she needs to have her pink princess couch placed as close to me as possible with her brown pillow and big brown blanket, then her piggy and then her blanket. All of these components must be in place before she will go back to sleep.  I know it must sound crazy if your kids, or your future kids in your mind sleep through the night on a regular basis, but she has bad dreams and sometimes we don't think very clear in the middle of the night.  Anyway, I think Shawn is ready to burn that pink couch. The other night, in his delirium he muttered something along the lines of "Why did you go get the couch? Leave it in her room. One of these days I am going to burn that couch. I am going to get a lighter and burn that pink, princess couch while she stands there and watches it go up in flames. I am going to burn the couch, this time I am not kidding..."

I think I am providing lots of opportunities to build character, he should be grateful. I think it is my contribution to society.

I have a long and glorious history of building character in people's lives. Ask my sister.

When we were younger, I would do something bad during the day, such as spray furniture polish into the freezer to make it smell better. At night, I would lay awake dreaming that I had poisoned my mom because I saw her use the ice covered with Old English. So in my tormented state I would jump on my sister's bed at 2:00 AM to tell her that I was pretty sure I had killed our mother.

This was not too uncommon. My parents would be gone 10-15 minutes longer than I thought they should be and in my imagination they had been abducted, or killed in a car accident. So I would convince my sister to call the police and make a report. One time, the police were actually in our living room when my parents finally decided to come home - the police officer just looked at them and said "Where have you been???". Exactly, that is what I wanted to know! Visiting at the grocery store with old friends? A likely story, you need to call home if you are going to be late. This is common knowledge.

I have managed to survive these many years due in part to the Shawn's and Jamie's (my sister) of this world. They follow behind me, go in front of me and send disclaimers of all sorts that to be my friend is to enter at your own risk - so, here is my shout out to those of you who have patiently laughed at my craziness and protected me from the neighborhood kids that I yell at when I am still asleep (see earlier post about sleepwalking). Shawn still says he is going to put a safety lock on the front door way up high so I can't reach it in the middle of the night.

So, to all of you "systems" people out there, you can pray a little prayer for my husband tonight and maybe every day from here on out. You may want to hug your spouses a little tighter and thank God that you don't have lettuce on your deck this winter, that will stay there now until we brush it off in the spring.

He may have wished they went into a little more detail when they said "for better or for worse". But you are stuck with me now babe, thanks for not throwing me out with the lettuce.