twists and turns

i was sitting in church this morning, and our pastor was sharing about how God can do the impossible in our lives, but in the meantime He is working on our character. he was encouraging us to trust God while everything is hard. i sat there with a silly smile on my face because there have been so many days that i have sat and heard the same message with no children, no husband and only a hope for those two things.

the strange thing about impossibles is that when you are in front of them they stand like a tall brick wall and you feel like the crazy that wants to see through it. when you are on the other side of it, you feel like the wise old sage that rocks in their chair and says "I knew it would happen one day".

another strange thing about impossibles is that when you are the one waiting for them it feels like there is no one who understands how you are feeling - and that your story is the newest and most difficult problem on the block. on the other side of it - everything in you wants to say "believe, it will come one day. my impossibles are now reality. don't give up."

and that is how i felt today. i was holding emma, feeling the new baby kick in my tummy and feeling my husbands hand on my back.

its not like i don't still have situations that seems impossible, but the big ones are settled. i have the love of my life, and two little ones to pour that life into. i want other people, especially the younger ones to know that there were many, many days that i wondered if it would ever come to pass. and it is so beautiful when it does, especially because i somehow managed to cross the finish line with my faith in tact - weathered to be sure, but deeper, stronger, sweeter for the trusting.

so, there i sat with a smile on my face, gratitude in my heart that today i am going to read books about raising children instead of believing through barrenness. and here at the sunset of this day, i just want to say - first it is impossible, then it is difficult and then it is done.

and for today, it is done.