the dash

Shawn made a powerful observation while we were in the hospital. I was pretty consumed by the life that i was birthing into the world, and once she was born, i was cocooned in my room feeding and sleeping. Shawn was taking walks around the hospital to stretch his legs or get in some emma time. while he was walking, he noticed that palliative care was on the same floor as the maternity ward.

Shawn's grandpa breathed his last breaths on that same floor.

when you get off the elevator, you can turn left or you can turn right. should you turn right, you will see women waddling, maybe moaning during their contractions, or the sweet little bundles of new life. should you turn left, you will smell age, and antiseptic that burns your nose a little. it is quieter, more solemn and contemplative. faces do not show signs of anticipation, instead there is a resignation that someone they love is in the throws of another kind of process.

they will pass from this life into the next.

and it makes one wonder.

in those little steps, one to the left or one to the right, what did we do with our lives? were we loving, kind, purposeful, and profitable? or did we squander our lives on selfish living and vain pursuits?

it is a small dash that separates the year we enter the world, and the year we leave it. within that small bit of punctuation we will love others and live out our principles and philosophy. when it is all said and done, there will be a residue that our lives leave. and many will mourn us, or few will have known us.

when my mom was in the hospice, we would take long walks through the garden they had provided. many people had taken time and money to donate engraved stones to memorialize their loved one. they are moving tributes to people i will never know, and yet, they still made me cry.

honor leaps from my heart toward a life well lived.

eternity is in my heart. it is in all of our hearts. we feel it calling us, reminding us: "don't waste this moment"

don't live in frustration, consumed by petty arguments. don't spend your days in vain pursuing things that will be destroyed. money disappears, popularity fades, hard times come and go. what matters most is our hearts posture toward Christ,  the character that we show in the middle of our lives,  in the choices that we make and the people that we love, even when we don't want to.

if i do not love, i am nothing.

if i do not give my life for others and live in generosity of spirit, nothing else matters.

nothing

nothing

nothing else matters.

when i die, if i have lived out what i believe, i will pray that this is what people remember of me.

that i loved them.

that i was a safe place for them.

that i gave my life for something beautiful and bigger than me.

i want my dash to be pregnant with memories of tears and laughter, faith and hope, joy and dreams.

and when i take my last breath, i want my family and friends to rejoice with me if i can say "i have fought a good fight, i have run the race, i have kept the faith"

let it be Lord.

Amen