the refresh button

it's a principle we started employing a few years ago in our leadership program, we call it "hitting the refresh button". when we say it, we mean, close your eyes and meet someone again for the first time. forget the hang-ups they had a few months or years ago, look at them again and see if your opinion is still correct without the filter you have been using to look at them.

this is such a valuable concept. it is impossible to re-invent yourself in a room full of people to whom you are a foregone conclusion.

and we all need to re-invent ourselves sometimes. life takes it's pound of flesh, we learn, we grow, and we soften if we are paying attention and staying humble.

i need to look at my friends differently. i need to look at my husband differently. and today, i needed to look at myself differently.

i was thinking today about my strengths and weaknesses (i know some of you think i am weird for doing this kind of thing, but go with me...) and i realized that being organized and a good manager of time used to be a weakness for me - then they moved into the "i am working on that" category - and i can honestly say that now they have moved into the strength category. i am still not great at establishing systems or setting out a great structure - but i am good at making sure that our household runs with some semblance of order and cleanliness and once a system is in place, i can follow it and maintain a pretty consistent environment.

to be clear, i am not bragging. trust me, no one is more shocked about this progress than i am. if only you knew the disorganized mess i used to be. but i need to hit the refresh button and stop scrambling to feel like i was climbing out of the chaos of an undisciplined life. i am not living that life anymore.

this is why words in the heat of the moment like "always" and "never" are so detrimental. it is a death sentence to a person's progress from weakness to strength.

if i say "you are always leaving the house a mess" to my husband, it totally negates the sincere efforts he has put in to help me keep things clean around here. of course, he may not meet my expectations, but if he is trying, then my job is to assume he is actively moving from the column of "weakness" into "working on it". and i need to hit the refresh button.

the Bible is so clear on this in 1 Cor. 13 when we are told that love keeps no record of wrongs.

i find this to be one of the hardest things the Bible asks me to do. I actually hate admitting that because i want to be such a believer in all people. but all of our brains are big storage containers -and we are imprinted with the memories of things people have done as we walk through our lives.

we need to frequently purge our brains and give others a fresh start - and if you are at all like me, you need to give yourself a new start too.

i was talking to a friend about regret tonight. she was talking about some of the decisions that she made in the past and how she wishes so badly she would have done things differently. i am sure we all have scenarios like this. but the truth is, we do the best we can with the information and knowledge we have at the time. would we do things differently now? sure. but that is only because we did it the wrong way the first time.

so, we learn, and we move on and we forgive ourselves and others.

it is a constant prayer of mine: "Lord, let me see people the way you see them. forgive me for the grudges i hold, or the beliefs that i cling to out of hurt, disappointment, or fear. help me to let go of the past and start new in all of my relationships and with my view of myself. "

He gives me a new chance everyday. it is the least i can do to try and do the same for the people around me.