the difference a year makes

mothers day is next week. for the past few years, mothers day has been the hardest day of the year for me. it is kind of like valentines day for the single. singles awareness day. i find that days to celebrate a certain demographic of people tends to also highlight those who are not in that group. of course, i never struggle on fathers day - i will never be one. but, mothers day...it used haunt me and mock me. then, every year there was that moment in church when all of the moms stand up to be celebrated. they deserve to be celebrated, but i wanted to be one of them and at that moment is was so, so obvious that i wasn't.

it didn't help that a few years ago we thought that we were going to be parents on that very weekend through adoption and then the birthmom changed her mind. i do not hold anything against her for doing this, it just made an already hard weekend harder. it's kind of "barrenness awareness day".

so, needless to say Mother's Day has not been my fav-o-rite day for quite sometime. and it is coming next weekend.

but this year it is different. so different. so wonderfully, dressed in pink and pretty bows kind of different.

this year, i am a mom. a full-fledge, bonafide M-O-M. I get to stand with all of the other ladies who have passed into the status of motherhood.

i wear my title with great thankfulness and honor - i have had the sleepless nights, the endless poopy diapers, the tears that come with each little milestone, the stretching of my heart in ways i never thought i would experience.

i sat in church last weekend with tears streaming down my face because we were singing the part of a song that says "nothing is impossible for you, you hold my world in your hands". and i was holding emma, my little miracle - saying with all my heart - nothing is impossible for you. You knew the whole time she would be ours, and now she is not just the evidence of things hoped for - she is the substance of our faith, we touch her, kiss her, love her. she is real. she is ours.

so i anticipate next weekend, i won't run from it. but i will never forget the ones who may be sitting there with no little bundle, no one to celebrate their contribution. they will be there, quietly hurting, waiting for the day to pass and smiling when all of the other women stand. i want them to feel seen, understood, appreciated.

so, Lord, help me to see them...more importantly, let them know that you see them, and that you have not forgotten about them - whisper in their hearts "nothing is impossible for Me".  we believe Lord, even when we can't see.