now faith is

i have been troubled. i have been troubled for awhile by a debate in my head about God's sovereignty. there are times, like now, that i am asking God to bend the normal laws for me. I am older - not old - but older than most seeking to have a baby. by the laws of nature, it should be improbable. and at times i think, is it possible? isn't it just a matter of His laws being played out in my body?

this debate started when my mom was sick. can we bring about our own premature death, by eating wrong, living wrong? can we, who love Jesus exercise that kind of power? do we say the day we die? or does he? i cannot, knowing what i know, say that i make that decision. but is it a free ticket to do whatever we want because it is all pre-destined anyway?

it is, i think, like the balance of grace. Paul said "what then, shall we continue in sin so that grace may increase? may it never be!" but do we need grace? yes. does that mean we don't love God? no. emphatically, no. it means that i love Him and i do my best to serve Him, to honor Him. and, He is mindful of my frame. He knows that at best, I will fail and even my most righteous acts must be washed in the blood of the lamb. but does that give me the excuse to live as i please and then throw out my prayer for forgiveness? no, i would not love Him if i lived like that.

i need to care about the things He cares about, but when i fail, and in my humanity I am neglectful of things i ought to really tend, He loves me and came to give me a way back to Him.

i must believe that He is sovereign.

and what is a miracle but the bending of the laws He created to make a way for man?

can't He make a way for me?

Abraham did not waver according to the promise - though his body was as good as dead.

from my devotional: Instead of growing weak, his faith grew stronger, exhibiting more power even as more difficulties became apparent. Abraham glorified God for His complete sufficiency and was "fully persuaded that God had power to do what he had promised. He is the God of limitless resources - the only limit comes from us.

and in the end, it was this very faith that made abraham a friend of God.

and i pray, dear God, give me that kind of faith. that believes you when all the laws of probability are stacked against me. you are eternally able to do what you have promised.

now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.