i loved singing when i was growing up. so much so, that i decided to become a real, certified singer when it was time to go to college. four years later i walked out of there with my degree in classical voice. and i lost my love for singing in the process.
it was sad. i didn't really want to practice anymore. i had practiced so much, it became a way of life, a profession, and a practice, but not a passion. i also had some pretty bad performance experiences - singing in the wrong language, losing my place and screwing up a whole orchestra, forgetting my words, etc... and then the constant pressure to be ready to sing at all times, i don't know, i lost my love for it somewhere along the way. i stopped humming around the house, i compared myself to other singers and realized that there were so many people more talented than i was. it wasn't just humbling, it changed me, it stopped me.
that is sad isn't it?
i kept singing, not really with my heart, but with my training for many years. but when shawn and i started dating, we went to a concert of Handel's Messiah. he was fascinated with everything. he still had the wonder of music, and when i watched the show through his eyes, i remembered why i loved music in the first place. i think that is when i started humming again.
who cares that i don't sound like a pop-star? i have never really been great at gospel music, but i can rock a disney tune or a musical number if i should decide to.
we are experiencing a renaissance of musical theatre (thank you high school musical and glee), so i am in fashion again. and i actually love it again.
i am dreaming about music, and i think the Lord may just use some of these dreams to bring our community into our church building. He just might.
when i teach students, i tell them to go home and hum to themselves until they like the sound of their own voice in their heads. i think i should take my own advice and see if i can recover my long lost love of all things musical.
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