there are times when i am reading and the words jump right off the page and a pointy finger digs right into my heart to say "you do that too". and it is true. i do, i have, i am.
it is not that i am not grateful. i am so grateful, everyday.
but i don't know if i say thank you directly to the Lord. i think i just say vaguely "i am so thankful".
the truth is, i think my heart got weary in the waiting. and i think i may have lost some of my heart along the way. sometimes i feel like i spent all of my emotions praying and waiting, and then everything happened so quickly that my head is still spinning with the fulfillment.
we waited and waited, prayed and prayed, cried and cried. it became our way of life. we lived there more than we have lived here, and i don't really know if i am used to it yet.
when emma came 19 months ago, our world was turned upside down. the sleepless nights, rolling over, teething, cooing, scooting, to walking and talking and before we knew it, i was pregnant. then the other kinds of sleepless nights going to the bathroom, can't get comfortable kinds of sleep. and here we are...two babies. our two beautiful, happy, bubbly little girls. i still just can't believe it.
i am ready, and wanting to move out of the survival mode that i have been in. i am trying to get the tired parts of my heart to catch up with the ecstatic parts of my heart.
hebrews tells us that faith is the substance of things hoped for the evidence of things not seen. i was used to not seeing, i was used to hoping. it took so long. so now what do i do now that i have substance.
i say thank you. not just to the air, but to the author and the perfecter of my faith.
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