habits

so, i have decided that consistency is what i need. so in case anyone will notice, i think i will try to write more - maybe every day -- eeek. that sounds like a lot. i was talking to someone today and told her not to focus on non-productive thoughts. such good advice that i need too. i need it today. the side conversation that i am not saying is that i got the phone call today from the fertility clinic telling me that i have another polyp that will have to be removed before i can do another cycle. the thing is with me that i don't even cry about stuff like this anymore. i hate that i am so used to bad news. why is this taking forever? i am so thankful for Emma - my gift. i still have so many pockets of unbelief in my heart. i should have so much faith, God has come through so many times. and here i am feeling like that days will never bring me a little blended version of shawn and keri harvey.

you know that scene in Up? when she miscarries and she is sitting outside with the sun on her face. that is me today except the sun hasn't been out and i am not brave enough to sit out in my front yard in the rain. but in my heart, i am her. gathering courage and hoping for the best.

so, i love my husband and i kissed my baby's face lots today. and i am going to blog more. goodnight.