trust

it is one of the hardest things to watch. the risk that God takes when He says "trust Me". the wrestle that follows in the human heart is nothing short of epic. Since the garden, the big question has been "is He good? will He come through? can i trust Him? what if i trust Him and it doesn't work out?". When we are waiting, and waiting, and waiting sometimes it is so tempting to just walk away and figure it out ourselves. or better, we figure that we will make a mess and then ask or expect Him to clean it up.

i read once that the definition of trust is knowing that the rug won't be pulled out from under you. as one who has made it their aim to trust, i would say that this is true to a point. as long as the rug we are standing on is not our own expectations of how we think things should work out. it is the trust of God's heart, not His promises and the things that are "added" to us. it is the trust that no matter what He provides, it is for our best and for His good.

I love talking to people who are fighting to trust God. They hear from Him. He shows them His heart. I was talking to a young lady last night and God asked her to give Him everything. when she said that she felt she had, He replied "not your hopes and dreams, I want those too". so, she gave those to Him in a box with a scarlet ribbon wrapped around it. with tears streaming down her face, she put her future in His hands. trust.

it is trust that lets us let go of what we think is best and trust that gives us the strength to humble ourselves in the knowing that we do not. He does. He always does.

most of the struggle with trust is time. we want it now, or at least soon. but not when we have to cry about it, or feel like we become broken beggars.

i wonder where he puts those prayers? the desperate ones that say "i can't do this anymore Father". i wonder if there is a special place in His heart for those prayers. Maybe it sounds like Jesus to Him. and i wonder if the hinge of history balances on those who stand and say " i will trust Him". and the scourge of history are those who say "He is not coming, therefore I..."

time means nothing to God. He made it to help us. He is not defined by it, limited to it or accountable for it. He doesn't hear the clocks that we hear. He does not worry.

the first trust is always the hardest. i should say the first, deep trust. that trust when you truly have no other life lines, you are not going to make your own path, you simply close your eyes and step off the ledge.

once that brutal test is over you see the world differently. He defies boundaries and makes roadways out of thin air.

He is the way-maker and only those who trust will know it.